I hate the way I don't hate you.

hi guys. so even though im in italy due to technology and amazing inventions like the world wide web, ive been connected with my friends back home. now, if youve been consistently following my blog (then i LOAF you like a love song babay!! :p :p ) then you know theres this guy, who i kind of like. and in rome (which i will tell you all about later) theres this fountain where you're supposed to toss in a penny swear you'll come back to rome and make a wish. and i wished for him to fall in love with me. and he few days later he messaged on facebook and....... well lets just say my wish came true.
B-U-T and this is going to sound really stupid...... i dont think i like him that much anymore. now dont get me wrong, im not a "tease" or anything, im not over him, i just realized that i never liked him that much. he's not someone that i could ever imagine myself being happy with. and since i stupidly realized this after my wish came true, im sorta.... stuck. i know i should tell him but this actually happened once before with the same guy, and i cant do it to him again!! and thinking about all this has made me start hating myself a lot.  :|am i evil????? honestly i dont want to or mean to do it :( and theres something else; he's moving away soon, forever. well not that that matters, because i cant let him leave believing im in love with him, because that would be the easy way out and the completely wrong thing to do, so i cant. can i?????? nooo. the thing is, its summer break right nowand im in Italy so i wont see him for a while, and i DONT want to do this online. but he keeps messaging me, and i just dont know what to say! should i string him along for a month?? how horrid would that make me?! id never be able to live with myself. i should just not be stupid and scared, and tell him and break his heart and make him hate me, again. i hate my life :/ and here is a (terrible) poem expressing my thoughts:

i hate the way you say 'liss' instead of listen
i hate the way you expect me to love you
and the way you dont seem to care.
i hate the way i wanted you
but now that i have you
i dont anymore.
i hate the way you can still make me blush
and the way it took me three years
to get over my lame-ass crush
you didnt make me feel special
i didnt think that you were different
but my stupid heart didnt want to listen.
i hate the way girls swoon around you
and remebering when i used to
and knowing im the one you want
but most of all, i hate the way
i want to
love you too

there. i just had to get that out. more about rome anditaly later :)
bye my lovelies! :D <3
P.s. pleeeeease tell me what to do :(
P.p.s the title was inspired from 10 things i hate about you, the movie :)