It's two am, and I have exams in four days. Great. This is what my life has become. I hardly even write blog posts anymore, and the one time I do I should actually be studying. I guess I just really wanted to write this post. I'm tired of other people. Talking and thinking and observing and judging. It's exhausting. Everything is just so confusing most of the time, and everyone is always trying so hard to act like they fit in, and now I sound like some whiny emo kid. EXCELLENT.
I swear, I am trying not to be annoying. I know that endlessly talking about how awkward something is or how freaked out you are gets tiresome. I annoy the crap out of myself on a daily basis. At least I can stay away from all the other people who irritate me (aka everyone), hiding in my room reading fanfiction, but I'm stuck with myself, day in, day out. Maybe that's why I sleep so much.
Junior college life is stressful. It is fun sometimes, a lot of the time, and it's good to have something that forces you to actually get up and leave the house every day. And trying out new things and dancing in a huge crowd and screaming over the last piece of cake is brilliant. Also the no uniform thing is great. I freaking love putting outfits together. (Never mind that I normally have about ten minutes in the morning and I look I've been dragged out of a gutter. When I do have time, it's great.) do they pay you to create outfits? Because that would be awesome. I'll do it for free. I still have no idea what I want to do with my life.
That's my whole life right now. Confused. What am I going to do later, where is my eyeliner, how do you even do math, when do I study for my tests, etc. *sings* I don't know, I don't knooooow. Does anyone know that song? Something, by the Beatles? No one? Okay cool brb gonna go drown myself.
The not so great part about high school is insecurity, self esteem issues, and labels. Trying to figure out where you fit, how you should act, what you want other people to think of you. And then you find yourself agreeing with them, becoming their opinions. Because it's just easier that way; do what they expect you to do. But it's actually a lot more fun to rebel. Do whatever the eff you want. And don't conform. Don't put yourself in a box! Since it's still the first month, (of the eleventh) people are trying to figure each other out and find their tribe (do people say that? Tribe? Whatever I'm saying it.) so for these past few weeks I've been constantly thinking about what to do and what to say and how to say it, all in order to portray a certain image. (Also if you've reached this point in the post and you just want to shake me and tell me to CHILL OUT, it's cool. I get it.)
Anyway, I realised that I keep oscillating between all these different sides of me. I can never actually decide what I want to be, and I guess that's who I am now. I love taylor swift. I love nirvana. I even sort of like twilight. AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME.
That's what this post is about really. Maybe someday I'll fix myself into just one of my personas (let's hope it's sarcastic nerd). Or maybe I'm just having mood swings or something, like every few days or so. Or maybe this all completely normal and I'm not a crazy person who overthinks every single decision? Maybe.
Also, I really don't know how I'm going to be an adult. I am the most indecisive person on the planet. It took me half an hour to pick a notebook for school. An hour to get a book from the library, even though they'll all be there the next time. Don't even get me started on clothes. Or food. Or coffee, ohmygod. Do I want it hot or cold? Sugar or no sugar? Vanilla or caramel? It's impossible. See, this is why I don't go out. Too many freaking decisions. And I always, always end up regretting whatever I finally decide. I have chronic 'what if' disorder. What if I'd worn that top instead, I should have carried that thing, I should have taken the other bus, blah blah blah. The word blah is actually fun to type. Blah blah blah blah blah blah. Try it, it feels like a rhythm (on my keyboard it does so).
Oh, you're all probably still wondering about the title. Bras. What type do you fit into? I love white cotton bras and I just thought it sort of had a ring to it soo....... Yeah. Very random.
BUT I am going to bring out my inner 2005 emo kid and tell you that there is a deeper meaning to it. I might also love black lace bras. I don't fit into just one category, and no one should. Wear red lipstick. Wear slouchy pants and messy buns. Don't do things just because you think they'll fit your image, and try not to judge everyone else by society's messed up standards. I do it a lot too though, because we've been conditioned and everyone does it yada yada yada. Just try.
Now I'm going to ignore the way my economics textbook is glaring at me, and try to sleep even though that's all I did today. If you read till the end I adore you and you are a precious flower who deserves cupcakes! <3
Ciao
I swear, I am trying not to be annoying. I know that endlessly talking about how awkward something is or how freaked out you are gets tiresome. I annoy the crap out of myself on a daily basis. At least I can stay away from all the other people who irritate me (aka everyone), hiding in my room reading fanfiction, but I'm stuck with myself, day in, day out. Maybe that's why I sleep so much.
Junior college life is stressful. It is fun sometimes, a lot of the time, and it's good to have something that forces you to actually get up and leave the house every day. And trying out new things and dancing in a huge crowd and screaming over the last piece of cake is brilliant. Also the no uniform thing is great. I freaking love putting outfits together. (Never mind that I normally have about ten minutes in the morning and I look I've been dragged out of a gutter. When I do have time, it's great.) do they pay you to create outfits? Because that would be awesome. I'll do it for free. I still have no idea what I want to do with my life.
That's my whole life right now. Confused. What am I going to do later, where is my eyeliner, how do you even do math, when do I study for my tests, etc. *sings* I don't know, I don't knooooow. Does anyone know that song? Something, by the Beatles? No one? Okay cool brb gonna go drown myself.
The not so great part about high school is insecurity, self esteem issues, and labels. Trying to figure out where you fit, how you should act, what you want other people to think of you. And then you find yourself agreeing with them, becoming their opinions. Because it's just easier that way; do what they expect you to do. But it's actually a lot more fun to rebel. Do whatever the eff you want. And don't conform. Don't put yourself in a box! Since it's still the first month, (of the eleventh) people are trying to figure each other out and find their tribe (do people say that? Tribe? Whatever I'm saying it.) so for these past few weeks I've been constantly thinking about what to do and what to say and how to say it, all in order to portray a certain image. (Also if you've reached this point in the post and you just want to shake me and tell me to CHILL OUT, it's cool. I get it.)
Anyway, I realised that I keep oscillating between all these different sides of me. I can never actually decide what I want to be, and I guess that's who I am now. I love taylor swift. I love nirvana. I even sort of like twilight. AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME.
That's what this post is about really. Maybe someday I'll fix myself into just one of my personas (let's hope it's sarcastic nerd). Or maybe I'm just having mood swings or something, like every few days or so. Or maybe this all completely normal and I'm not a crazy person who overthinks every single decision? Maybe.
Also, I really don't know how I'm going to be an adult. I am the most indecisive person on the planet. It took me half an hour to pick a notebook for school. An hour to get a book from the library, even though they'll all be there the next time. Don't even get me started on clothes. Or food. Or coffee, ohmygod. Do I want it hot or cold? Sugar or no sugar? Vanilla or caramel? It's impossible. See, this is why I don't go out. Too many freaking decisions. And I always, always end up regretting whatever I finally decide. I have chronic 'what if' disorder. What if I'd worn that top instead, I should have carried that thing, I should have taken the other bus, blah blah blah. The word blah is actually fun to type. Blah blah blah blah blah blah. Try it, it feels like a rhythm (on my keyboard it does so).
Oh, you're all probably still wondering about the title. Bras. What type do you fit into? I love white cotton bras and I just thought it sort of had a ring to it soo....... Yeah. Very random.
BUT I am going to bring out my inner 2005 emo kid and tell you that there is a deeper meaning to it. I might also love black lace bras. I don't fit into just one category, and no one should. Wear red lipstick. Wear slouchy pants and messy buns. Don't do things just because you think they'll fit your image, and try not to judge everyone else by society's messed up standards. I do it a lot too though, because we've been conditioned and everyone does it yada yada yada. Just try.
Now I'm going to ignore the way my economics textbook is glaring at me, and try to sleep even though that's all I did today. If you read till the end I adore you and you are a precious flower who deserves cupcakes! <3
Ciao
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