Star Power

i feel like Sherlock right now :/
no, not because i just did something incredibly intelligent. because I'm mind numbingly bored. 

 indeed.

I'm on vacation right now, and i have no idea why because no one in India celebrates Christmas or Hanukkah or whatever else it is that we're supposed to be on vacation for. I'm beginning to think that we have one too many breaks which is ridiculous because i really dont like going to school (this just proves how bored i am). really, we were on vacation in October (for a legit reason; Diwali). you see what i mean? anyway, im not going to complain about unlimited internet time. it sure beats chemistry. 

Since the only interesting thing to happen this vacation is nothing, im going to talk about other peoples lives. Particularly, famous people. 

Have you noticed how completely obsessed our generation is with famous people? Its like we're living vicariously through them. We can't have that beautiful limited edition dress or that around-the-world vacation, but they can. And stalking them while they live their glamorous lives is almost as good. Also, with twitter and facebook and youtube and instagram, we feel like they care about US. It brings things down to a personal level, giving us that second of attention we crave (don't think im judging, im much the same). When they look straight into the camera, it feels like they're talking to you, like they want to know you, like they really do love you.

 it feels amazing to read stuff like that.

And who knows, they probably do (wow, that rhymed). And no matter how much they tell us that they're just normal people like you and me, we can't, or won't, believe them. Either because they're beautiful and rich and they have all these pretty things and the whole world loves them, or because they're everything you couldn't be. Or, worst of all, they're younger than you. By the way, good for you if you're like my sister and couldn't care less that someone two years younger than you is world famous. (For some reason, i dont know too many people like that). Forgive me if i'm making it sound like we're all insecure little jealous nobodies. that's not what im trying to say, i know most people are proud of themselves and happy with their lives. but im sure EVERYONE has had at least one instance wishing it was them being interviewed on the red carpet. 

ah they're all so beautiful.

And the best (or worst) part is, that so many of our favourite stars and celebrities (J.K. Rowling, now the seventh richest woman in England; Nicki Minaj; Justin Bieber; Leighton Meester, actually born in a jail; Eminem, the list goes on) come from average, 'middle class' backgrounds. This is reassuring and inspiring at the same time. They turned their lives around didn't they? so can we. and maybe we will, maybe we won't.

Remember that Selena Gomez song, Who Says?

the one that goes 'Who says you cant be in movies? listen to me, listen to me.' well its all good for the people who are in the movies, and not so good for the people who desperately wanted to be in the movies, but like my sister said, "who says we want to be in the movies?" im not saying there's anything wrong with wanting to be famous. heaven knows i do too. but in the meantime , try to care a little bit less about what (or who) they wear, what they eat, who they like, what they don't like and i will try to stop obsessing about how Taylor Swift can be friends with Lorde and Selena Gomez at the same time.
oh, and just a few perks about being not famous:

 

no one would care if this was you.

or this. (though she does look beautiful, as always)

and no one is insanely obsessed with your divorce

(the poor things)

anyway, we're not famous, no one cares, whoop-de-do. im just really thankful that no one is taking pictures

of me all the time and i can go around being a ridiculous penguin.

finally, im sorry i haven't blogged in a millenium or so :P i was just.. busy (yeah, right). hopefully ill be blogging a lot more now. i have no idea why but i have this sudden urge to go shopping right now :s i've already been to Coaba Causeway (which is this super long street FILLED with tiny clothes shops and everything there is beeyootiful and less than 500 bucks which is like 8 dollars and its my favourite place on the planet) twice or something this month. i should restrain myself. YOU DON'T NEED MORE THINGS OKAY. okay. maybe ill just go look at all the pretty things and cry.
also, new years eve is coming up! yay! NOT. unfortunately, only of my friends is here this time, and our plans include the internet and pizza. WE SO EXCITED.

feelin the love

let me know in the comments if you have any NYE plans :) 

and my five best things of the week are:

1. my new phone!! aaaaaaahhh :D 
2. Lana Del Rey music
3. superwoman videos

 

    4. taking pictures with my new phone :D

   

    5. and meeting my cousins last monday :D this also includes shopping for my cousin's wedding which is next year and i am super excited about it :D :D mostly im excited about the lehenga (a lehenga is like a dress in two parts) im wearing, which is at the tailor presently. i cant wait for it to get back.

Sadly, this vacation does include a lot of homework and studying which i  actually have to do :( thank you so much if you've read the whole thing, i love you guys sooooo much <3

xoxo -TheGirlBehindTheGreenLetters

needing Miracles

Change. Change is the most beautiful thing in the world. It's the only constant in anyone's life. And it's what we need, more than ever, RIGHT NOW. Things are going from bad to worse. This country is falling apart, the world alongside it. I feel so many things burning up inside me, and I feel like there's nothing I can do. I'm one person in a billion. I WANT to do something, fight this injustice, scream and shout and fight till something CHANGES. But I know already that nothing will. Am I being pessimistic? Am I giving up before I begin? But like, get real. What can one person really do in India, a country ruled by the powerful, the selfish, and the corrupt? All I know is that even if I'm fighting a losing battle, I WILL fight. I will not sit here and watch this madness anymore. Everyone is born with the right to live. To do what we want with our lives. To wear what we want. To go where we want. To say and do what we want. STOP TAKING THAT AWAY FROM US.
Fine, you're a poor, uneducated, starving, tired desperate guy. Your life sucks. You're frustrated. You deserve better than this. How can some people have so much more than others? Look at those kids. Happy, rich, satisfied, content. Look at that girl over there. She's so pretty. But what is she wearing?! Is she crazy? That can't be allowed. Really, she needs someone to teach her a lesson. Girls should be quiet, meek, timid little things. Not bold and walking out on the streets flaunting their beauty! And anyway, what have you got to lose? You don't have two coins to rub together. So what if she goes to the police? Jail might just be better than this. Her hair looks amazing. You want her. She's alone anyway. How stupid of her. Doesn't she know she has it coming? Men are allowed to take what they want. She should know that by now,  and protect herself if she doesn't want to share. So you walk up to her. Wow, she's even nicer up close. You take what you think is rightfully yours. You ignore her screaming (god, didn't anyone teach her about indoor voices?!) and crying. She deserves to feel the pain. She deserves to feel as much as you had to. You're only trying to teach her a lesson. Be a weak little shy thing. That's what girls are meant to be, and you're making sure she won't forget it. Once it's done, you feel slightly better. Powerful, even. She may be rich, but she couldn't stop you! You WILL have  your share of happiness from this world. You don't care that you just ruined someone's life. That her life will now be much worse than yours. That it wasn't her fault she was rich and pretty. That maybe if you'd done an honest days work in your life you could be not-hungry too. That she was completely innocent. That she had just as much right as you did to roam the streets. That she was just as strong as you were. An equal. And that taking away her happiness, her beauty, her purity had done nothing for your own. That you were a pervert, that you didn't care about other people. Why should you? No one cared about you. Of course, it never occurred to you that if you cared for someone they might care about you too. That you just left a girl to die.

I'm so sick of this. Sure, I can rant all I want on here, but out in the world, nothing changes. This prejudice is set so, so, deep in people's minds. It's going to take a miracle to stop the crimes. There are so few good people out there that its scary. So few people who will stand together for a cause and FIGHT. There are people who say things but don't really mean them. People who are so incredibly selfish that they wouldn't bat an eyelid over having charges dropped, convicting the wrong person, bribing the authorities, influencing a jury, if it means a few more lakes in their kitty. There are the desperate, the ones who have nothing to lose. If they take a few others down with them, who cares? There are the afraid, the indifferent, the ones who'd rather-stay-out-of-it-thank-you-very-much. They don't want to fight the system, because the system works for them. Who cares if a bunch of people die? People die anyway. There are quitters. The ones who say this a losing battle, so why fight?  Nothing's going to change. There are the selfish ones, the ones who are safe enough to really not care. There are the tentative believers. The ones who know something has to change, but they won't go out  there and change it. The ones who would rather be wronged than go out and do something scary.
And then are the rest of us. The tiny bunch of people who will hope, who will dream, who will keep  on fighting, no matter how often they scream at us and push us away and strike us down. Because I  know my rights. I know what I want, and I know what I deserve. And I'm going to make sure I  bloody well get it. There's no point depending on others to do it for me. The government doesn't give a SHIT. The government probably doesn't even want anything to change. They're rich, they're happy, and they're going to keep getting rich, the country can go to the dogs. Fine then. We're going to step up and fight for ourselves. maybe, just maybe, if enough people want it, our miracle will happen. things can change.

Spoiler alert

PERCABETH JUST FELL INTO TARTARUS THIS IS NOT OKAY IT CANNOT BE ALLOWED THIS ISN'T POSSIBLE I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT NO THIS CAN'T HAPPEN WHO ALLOWED THIS. I CAN'T. ASDFGHJKL.
the sea of monsters and the mortal instruments both finally released in India :D in the same week! You know what my best things are going to be next week ;) I can't wait to get my hands on house of hades!!!!!! Books are proof that humans can do magic :D alrighty, I've got to go do dig through mymountain of  homework :( go read books my lovelies :) ciao.

the mess in my head. now on the net.

hi. im sorry i haven't blogged in- wait. why am i even sorry about that? its not like anyone cares about this. i am feeling absolutely like CRAP right now. its weird because i was happy a few hours ago. but everything is just going wrong. its all so awful that i dont even know where to start. and you know what the worst part is? the worst part is that i feel guilty about feeling miserable. like who am i to not be happy? i have food, books, parents, friends, an education, clothes and a god damn roof over my head. i should shut up and put on a smile because there are people who dont have ANYTHING and somehow it feels disrespectful to say i hate my life, when some people would give anything to have one like it. but i do feel awful. so the guilt adds into the already there misery, which makes me feel worse which makes me feel more guilty and on and on and on. there are so many things that make me feel like crap right now. maybe i should make a list. (do you guys hate it when i make lists? im sorry, but they help a lot. brilliant. i have OCD)
ok, so i just realized that this must be sort of boring and depressing.... whatever. its not like anyone reads this. and besides, i need an OUTLET, for gods sake.
so. here goes.

1. i feel like im losing friends. like one a day or something. ok, thats not true. maybe i just never had any friends, since i feel like an outsider all the time. at school, i feel like such a fake. its like i have two personalities. in school and outside school. i have no idea what outside school is, but in school me is some totally-different-but-totally-like-everyone-else girl. or maybe theres something wrong with me, because even this post is sounding fake now. the thing is, at school -idontwanttoadmitthis- i dumb myself down. a little. sometimes. and i just feel very... not like me. im a different person. i act like one of them. hell, i become one of them. i dont talk about feminism and being an atheist and wanting to go out and rebel and fight the system and CHANGE something and actually sort of liking science and hating some of the people i supposedly love and wanting to kill this guy for being a sexist stupid PIG and feeling so different and wanting to go hide and read a book and hating them for being so rich and pretty and stupid and wanting to throw eggs or rocks (preferably rocks) at this person in the staff's (i cant say who) face and standing up for something like how my school's administration is completely ridiculous, scheming and corrupt.whew. i really needed to get that out. so im going to try to be myself in school, and see how it goes. im not putting up this charade to keep my friends any more.

     2.   my parents. oh gods, my dysfunctional, we-really-need-to-sort-ourselves-out-and-we-are-ruining-               our-daughter's-life-parents. i mean, they are so weird! they fight like shit, but minutes later its all 'oh               we're a perfectly happy family who love and understand each other'. sorry, but i missed the mood                 flipping switch in the assembly line. they need to decide right? if you love each other, stop freaking                 yelling the house down every day. maybe they can deal with it, but i CANNOT. i dont even know                 why i feel so AWFUL hearing them fight. i mean, so what if they don't love each other? they still both             love me (i think, though they apparently dont care about me hearing them yell at each other). but its               impossible not to feel awful. i want to run away, hide under the covers, yell at them, cry (not                         necessarily in that order). ill be out of here in three years. hopefully ill survive that long.

    3.   the state of my country. obviously, this isn't like a personal problem or something, but its still getting               me down. and this is one thing that i really cannot do anything about. sure, i can do something, but in a           country with 1.2 billion people, not much is going to change. and its not just india either, its the whole             world. what on earth (no pun intended) is happening?!?! its like this planet is no longer a fit place to live. its definitely not a place i'd want to bring a kid into. everywhere you look, something's going terribly, awfully wrong. i used to be the type of person (or maybe i still am) who could still see the good stuff in between all the bad. like a little kid whose parents can barely afford to send him to school working hard and making something of him/herself. or people standing together and fighting to change something. a little bit of happiness among all the violence and destruction. like the sun setting over the sea. but its really hard to find the good stuff these days. there's death everywhere i turn. death, hatred, rape, hunger, poverty, anger, destruction, ignorance, corruption... hats all i can see. when is it going to stop? enough is bloody well enough. i swear, if one more helpless girl gets raped or if one more guy stares at me on the street i am going to fly to delhi and take over the country after killing the prime minister for being so freaking incompetent. and the men in this country. god. i hate them. at least half of them are illiterate (which is the governments fault), selfish, sexist, awful, perverted, freaks (their fault). and nobody is doing anything about it! yeah, the lame ass prime minister will come and make some impressive speech, the people will get pacified, and NOTHING will change. and you know why? because half the people out there don't want it to change. all those cosmetics companies (the industry is bigger than the food industry), the film industry, those uneducated MPs, those people who think women are nothing but mindless bodies and shouldn't be allowed to have a voice much less a life. the biggest problem, for sure, is the rate of illiteracy. (government again) who do you think would go around raping people? obviously some ass who has nothing to lose and doesn't know any better. someone who was never taught to respect women. someone who just wants someone to have it worse than him. no way am i going to pity a rapist, but im just trying to say that they also have a reason for what they do. and they know they probably won't get caught. (government AGAIN, but legislature this time). there is obviously a whole different side to the rapists, this time, the rich and powerful. they also know they probably wont get caught. and all of this, all of this, stems from the belief that women are weak and we won't fight back. well guess what? we're not, and we fucking WILL. enough is ENOUGH. we aren't going to sit down and take it anymore people! we are more than pretty faces, more than just bodies. and our purpose is much greater than the continuity of the human race. for this to change, the whole world is going to have to stop, think, and reprogram. in india, i'd say there are two huge reasons for the ridiculous number of rape cases, and several smaller ones. the first reason has several smaller things behind it. basically, its a combination of how women are disrespected, and hidden away and put down. because of all this, men see women as something to admire, use, and put away. and they also think of us as absolutely as their disposal. on top of all this, dating is completely frowned upon in india. (i dont think i can say government this time....) dont ask me why, because i have no idea. if two people like each and want to go out and have some fun, why shouldn't they???? there was actually this whole protest against the restrictions on dating and other stuff called the pink chaddi campaign. read about it here. so when men see a pretty girl dressed nicely (this could be anything from beat up jeans and a top to a pretty dress) walking down the street, all this stuff together somehow leads to them thinking that they have the right to harm her. like how dare she look pretty? she needs to be taught a lesson. or if they see two people kissing, they'll think oh, she was kissing that guy, she won't mind kissing us either! its sick. if you live in this country, i strongly advise you to learn karate, buy a gun (not pepper spray) or get your boyfriend to drop you home everyday. but obviously, we don't like feeling weak or needy, so we strike out on our own. unfortunately, in this godforsaken hell hole, if you dont know how to defend yourself, you ARE needy. (i can gladly say GOVERNMENT again). a week ago, a journalist got raped by five men while following up on a story. rape is the kind of thing that you think will never happen to you, but that unfortunate girl could easily have been me or my elder sister. and those asses actually thought they would get away with it. thankfully, they messed with the wrong girl. she went straight to the police once they let her go and they caught them in two days. ( i can proudly say government again) score one for brave girls. so the first cause is that girls are put up on a pedestal and sort of revered in this twisted way. that means that fi you're pretty, you're automatically doomed. and dont even THINK about looking nice outside. i have never worn shorts on the streets alone. ever. not even in the summer, and this is INDIA we're talking about. its not like i give a shit about what people will think or say. i do it for myself because i DO NOT enjoy being stared at, whistled at, followed, gestured at, etc. so thanks, but im going to stick with jeans until (me being optimistic) something changes. and im going to work HARD for the change.no way am i going to live my whole life like this. im going to go learn self defence and carry a penknife with me (inspired from my best friend whose blog you can check out here), but im also going to join every protest i can and voice my opinion and go yell at the PM (if i can)

as promised in the last post, im goignt make a list of the five best things this week. (oh no. more lists)

the sun, sun, sun! we are getting some seriously epic weather.

re reading percy jackson :D <3

jack and finn harries coming to india <3<3

yummm. (you can wonder whether i mean the ice cream or.....)

finally getting off my lazy butt and buying some chocolate

cafe frappes

yeah, mine didnt look like that :/

thats it for now my lovelies! have a wonderful rest-of-the-weekend. xoxo, TheGirlbehindTheGreenLetters <3

Feelings and Stuff

Did you guys know that if you really don't want to feel something, it's almost easy to suppress that feeling? Push it away to the back of your mind. Shut the door on it and you might not have to face it for a long time.  If you're not ready to feel yet...... Don't. This is probably terrible advice and this is probably going to be a mildly depressing post but just please read on and leave a comment if you're a nice person. I really need to talk to someone right now.
Feelings aren't easy. They're probably the only thing that really make life hard but they're also possibly the most defining quality of the human race. For the past week or so, I've been putting up walls around my self and its all I can do to stop them from coming. Actually, I can't stop them. I tried, but I can't keep the feelings away. I miss him. God he hasn't even left yet, and I already do. He's leaving forever in two hours. He'll come back every now and then but that doesn't change the fact that he won't be HERE. I'm so, so stupid. Thinking if I told myself, it would be fine and didn't allow myself to feel I'd be able to stop myself from missing him, hating him for not hurting like I am, hating myself for not saying goodbye properly, loving him for being him, hating myself for not finding a way out of this. Asking myself if I'll be able to face the pain and go through it or if ill hide it away and run forever.
This is all too fast. I need more time. Just one more day, when his departure isn't sprung on me. One day to remember. That was supposed to be today, but it didn't work out. And now all I have are memories of yesterday, and all the days before that. How was I supposed to know that the last words he said to me yesterday (that he would see me the next day, honestly, the irony) are the last words he'll say to me, ever? It's not fair. None of this is fair. It never is, is it? The worst thing is that I literally wasted three years over this guy and NOTHING came of it. I mean, in the end I was just one of the many people who said goodbye to him, and definitely not the one he'll remember the most. So really, what was the point? Maybe if I'd done things differently, been a little smarter, maybe then something would have come out of all those days wasted, all those minutes taken up crying, all that time spent together. That would have made parting much, much, harder but like they say; it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. I think if I had memories of us being together, if we'd at least tried or if he at least knew how I felt, maybe I could do this. Maybe I still can do this. Maybe. But how? The only way is to forget the past, and when that's all I have left, how on earth am I supposed to let it go? Why would I even want to? I don't want to forget even one tiny little thing. God this would all be so much easier if I could just talk to someone. Or maybe not. I don't seem to be that good at the whole talking thing, seeing as I didn't even manage to call him up and say bye. I couldn't. I just know that if I had tried, that whole flood of emotions would have come out and acting like it didn't exist wouldn't be fair to me. I've done it for three years but I can't anymore. And he's the one leaving anyway. He's off to start a new, amazing life in exciting, fast moving New York. And I'm the one stuck here with the big hole that's supposed to be him. It's probably just as well that I didn't tell him everything. That would have made this just that much harder for everyone. My friends don't seem to get that though. They all think I should have kept my feelings 'aside' and talked to him because he 'wanted' to talk to me. Firstly this aside place doesn't exist, and secondly, THREE YEARS! Three years I pined over him, and now he wants to talk to me? Ok, that's not entirely fair. But he certainly didn't show any desire to talk to me and I don't know why my friends couldn't see that. It's bad enough already without being awkward and complicated too.
Also, I'd already built up the walls in my mind. Pushed the feelings away. That chapter of my life was, or is, over. I'm not going to pull out the book again, only to cry over the pages. Maybe that makes me selfish, but I don't really care. Ill look out for myself if I have to. I care about his feelings, but I'm not going to torture myself by playing the 'good friend' on the phone. So I didn't, and now  they all probably think I'm evil. Well that's their problem, and I'm sort of evil anyway which you all probably already know.
Anyway, I'm a mess. The walls didn't stay up as long as I'd hoped. I cried a little. Especially after listening to ed sheeran and now I just feel sort of empty. I have no idea what I feel, or what I'll feel tomorrow. It's a holiday, so I don't have to face school, but I won't get to meet my friends either.
I'm going to try to figure out if anything good came out of all this.....
Well maybe it made me stronger (yeah right). maybe itll just push my friends further away from me seeing as they all probably think im evil. i have only like three real friends anyway. i just hope they can see that im hurting too. im not trying to get their pity or sympathy, i just want them to understand. i want someone, anyone, somewhere, to understand. i doubt that'll happen because i just read this post and it doesn't make any sense at all. but that's the point i guess. all i want right now is for someone to make sense of my lunatical ramblings.
in other news, im super super excited to see percy jackson and the sea of monsters (everything releases late in india) and the mortal instruments. also im in love with fall out boy (a little late, i know).
if you have nothing to read right now, go read Saving June by Hannah Harrington. it is a beautiful BEAUTIFUL story about coping with loss and learning to see the beauty in little things and the whole point of being alive.

thats the edition i read, though there are other, much prettier covers :p. and here are the most amazing lines from the book:

if that doesn't make you want to read the book, i dont know what will.

i have this awesome new idea. at the end of every post, im going to make a list of the five best things this week. (given my track record, we know ill be skipping weeks :P)

so here goes:

1. Independence Day. (thats fifteenth august in india, and we got independence from the british. like most of the rest of the planet.)

2. Gossip Girl. i know, its stupid, shallow and lame, but i like it. tv is the ultimate brain drain anyway, so why not do it in the brainy-drainiest way?

3. its finally stopped raining out here! so sun, sun, sun... :D (i know, the beatles!! <3)

4. getting so many days off from school. lazy lazy lazy...

(my sentiments exactly)

5. my sisters coming home next week!! thats next week but i found out this week and it made the week a lot better so..

thats us on le roman holiday :)

thats all for now, i suppose. im going to watch avril lavignes new video. leave a comment or subscribe :D

    go break hearts my lovelies. xoxo- TheGirlBehindTheGreenLetters.

Judgement Day

hello jobless-but-totally-awesome-for-reading-this-blog users of the internet :D
so there are a few things i forgot to mention in my last post. like, the title. the thing is, i have a lot of guy friends, but every time i get close to a guy all we talk about is his girlfriends and ex girlfriends. so yeah, im probably going to be forever alone since even though im head-over-heels for this guy he doesn't seem to share the feeling. oh well, my day has sucked bad enough without getting into all that.
and the reason my day has sucked so far is that we got our marks from the exams today. i think that says it all. they were terrible, much worse than ive ever scored before. i have no idea what happened between the last exams and these ones. but i think the only thing to do now is try to do better next time. i mean what else can i do? apart from give up entirely, which im obviously not going to do.
so a while ago i decided that this blog isn't going to be all about me....
the day before my birthday last month one of my favorite actors, characters and half of my OTP (one true pair) died. it was pretty awful and i ended up almost not celebrating my birthday because i was so torn up. i know he was just a famous guy who didnt know i exist. but he was a good actor, and i was in love with his character. (in case you haven't guessed im talking about cory aka finn from glee) he didnt matter that much in my life, but knowing he was gone, that he would never play finn and there would never be a finn again...
and im a huge fan of his girlfriend, lea michele. they were to be married in two weeks and that just broke my heart. i mean how do you get over something like that? and another thing. he died of a drug overdose. since then, so many people have told me 'it was his own fault' and 'how can you feel bad about it' and i literally wanted to scream at. i get it, ok? you think taking drugs is despicable. you think he basically killed himself, and thats disgusting and no one should mourn his death. did you ever think he was an innocent person with a big problem? did you ever wonder whether he got sucked into it unintentionally and maybe even unknowingly? did you ever think about how maybe behind that veil of perfection his life sucked and maybe he just wasn't strong enough? some people aren't, and yes thats weak and cowardly and incredibly selfish. but you cant hate people for that, or blame them for being dead. i agree he should have gotten help and tried to be stronger. but im going to give him the benefit of doubt, and wish he could have had a long happy life, and miss finn every day, and hope that lea can move on with her life. if you think thats sick too, well good for you.
                           well anyway i really dont know what to write :/ im back to regular school. feeling awkward, wanting to punch someone, drawing the deathly hallows everywhere, groaning at people's grammar, etc. etc. clearly im feeling great right now. anyway i really dont know what to say so im going to post this story i wrote today. (its based on something that happened today but i've tweaked things around a little)
                           Carrie sat back in her seat, a happy smile on her face. things were going right for once. in a crowded room full of kids enjoying lunch, she didn't feel alone for once. she was sitting at a table with her best friend, her best friend's boyfriend and a couple of other friends of theirs. she finally had friends at this school, after about two years.
           she snapped out of her reverie when she heard Maia say her name. "huh?" she said, looking up at maia while toying with her food. everyone laughed. Maia said, "never mind, i was just telling them about what we did last friday." carrie siled. "yeah, that was awesome. anyway, you never told me what you did on saturday." Maia straightened up and flipped her hair back "oh my gosh, i got these really cute earrings. they're like these ten different studs."
           at this, chace turned his attention back to his friends. his hair caught the sunlight streaming in through their cafetaria window. Carrie stared. he was so, so cute. she loved how his dark hair looked golden in the light. "different earrings?" he said. "khloe has some of those." he smiled into the distance, as if at an old memory. "she loved wearing the camera in one ear and the heart in the other." he looked around expectantly at the group."get it? a camera and a heart?" carrie looked around to check if chace was making any more sense to her friends. chace said, "you- capture- my- heart." doing the actions for a camera and a heart with his hands. "so was she wearing them for you?" someone said teasingly. "yeah" said chace with a goofy smile. "she pinned the heart on my sleeve." Carries heart began its slow plummet down to her stomach and settled near her toes. Maia made a puke gesture behind chace's back.
          this had been going on for ages. she wondered why chace couldn't see how she felt about him. it seemed painfully obvious to everyone else. or maybe he knew, and he just didnt care.

thats it. please, plase, please tell me what you thought in the comments, or email me. id love to hear from you :) oh and im sorry if there are any mistakes, im typing this really fast. more later my lovelies.
xoxo TheGirlBehindTheGreenLetters

#ForeverAlone

i feel like ive been away for so long, i might just have forgotten how to do this. well, i'll give it a shot anyway.
firstly, the reason ive been away for so long is that ive had exams :( the Indian education system is such that we give 100 mark exams at least twice or thrice a year :( and then in the tenth grade, everyone across india gives the same board exams which will eventually help us get into college.
why on EARTH am i talking about exams? mine get over tomorrow so YAYYY :D
so my last blog post was about the break up..... a lots happened since then.
lets see ummm
poem guy is not history. not at all. is is ever possible to get over someone? i mean, completely? somehow i dont think so. that feeling never goes away, no matter how much you want it to, everytime i see him its like this flow of weirdly opposite feelings inside me. like i like him, but i really really dont want to, and at the same time i really really want him to like me. its awful :( i think this should be something we should be allowed to take as an extra subject in school: getting over a boy 101. i figured this out on this school camp around three weeks ago...
apart from all that crappy-drama-part-of-life lets see.......
i haven't really been able to read much since, duh, exams but i am re-reading the mortal instruments by cassandra clare which is a great series. in fact, the movie is coming out soon. (and i am super psyched) the series is basically about this girl who discovers this entire other world with demons and demon hunters that exists right alongside ours. definitely a must read if you liked harry potter and percy jackson. (if you haven't read those then just....go hide somewhere and never come out). i had to write an english essay about an important event in thats affected my life and who i am and since my life has been very uneventful and boring for the past fourteen years, i wrote about discovering books. thats literally the best thing thats happened to me so far (maybe excluding meeting my best friend and seeing billie joe-armstrong). books have been a huge part of my life ever since i was like two. i really want a writer someday, but i really dont see that happening, owing to the number of stories ive managed to finish writing (one). my other great writing enterprise is this blog which is almost a complete joke. anyway i wrote the essay about how much books mean to me and how the world would be a much much better place if everyone had read a bunch of books. that said, please tell me the names of any amazing books you think i should read.
im really bored and i really dont know what to say. or rather, i dont know how to say it. my head is kind of mess right now... like my thoughts are all going around in circles and chasing each other and collectively trying to make my head explode. maybe i should make a list.... that normally helps.
a list of things in my head right now, by the girl behind the green letters:

• i really hope my parents allow me to fly down alone to visit my sister at college. i sort of miss her a lot and i really want to try flying alone and it would be exactly the kind of fun thing i need right now.
• im sort of annoyed with my parents because they're probably not going to allow me to fly down alone to visit my sister at college and they keep yelling at each other about absolutely idiotic things.
• i feel like ive lost myself. i just dont know who i am anymore. i dont know what type of music im in love with, i dont if i think taylor swift is sort of stupid or bloody brilliant, i dont know if ive suddenly started liking tv shows more than books, i dont know if ive become a shallow, conceited person because i hang out with some people like that, i dont know if im still a rebellious little potterhead atheist i dont know if ive become a 'stupid girl' i just dont know.
• and it doesn't help that im feeling judged everywhere i go. so i used to be known for being smart at school, but recently thats begun to change. my friends dont seem to care that much about their grades anymore and i want to have fun with them because they're the only people at school who love me and get me at least a little. now im losing my teachers' trust and respect. its like theres this imaginary obedience/trust line and im suddenly on the wrong side of it. just a few tiny incidents here and there and bam you aren't a 'good' kid anymore. i mean, im not complaining. its just hard to know if fleeting happiness and meaningful friendships are worth more than good grades and a good reputation.
• obviously my, umm, 'descent to the other side' hasn't gone unnoticed by my parents.' they've always been easy going about grades and studying, but they're coming down hard now. i just hope my exam results this time aren't too bad or itll be bye-bye internet-and-everything-else-that-is-fun and helloo dark-days-spent-in-my-seemingly-slowly-shrinking-room.
• ive been listening to a lot of different kinds of music. well not really a lot and not really different but blah. im in love with wake me up by avicii and ive linked the name because im so nice :')  i also really love slow down by selena gomez, radioactive by imagine dragons, sunset blvd. by emblem three, drunk by ed sheeran, and this may seem odd considering but stairway to heaven by led zep.
• i feel like im losing my best friend. she went through a really hard time recently and im worried for her. but she isn't taking my calls or replying to my texts. i love her so much and i just want her to know that im always here.
• don't judge me, but i started watching Gossip Girl :P
• i really dont want to go to school :( i just dont fit in. i mean i have a lot of friends and stuff but thats only because i pretend to be someone im not. not that i know who i am.
• i seem to repel guys.

 meh whatever.

thats about it for now. if you're bored, listen to some of those songs along with thunder by boys like girls and go read roundabout by rhiannon lassiter or anything by judy blume :')
if you read my blog, i sincerely love you to the moon and back.
more next time, hopefully. go break hearts my cupcakes :)
xoxo- TheGirlBehindTheGreenLetters

B-O-Y-F-R-I-E-N-D (potential) spells chaos

hello world! i am back from the dead! im sure most of you thought id given up on this blog but -hurray- i decided to revive it. and the reason is: STUFF happened. and in our now ridiculously obsessed-with-technology world, i cant really bring myself to open up my diary and pick up a pen, so here i am, typing away! i am not going to sit and think about every single thing that i missed blogging about so ill just give you the important stuff:
im back in india and super happy about it, though i do miss italy :(
school started and it is terrible :(
the big melange festival i mentioned went off with a bang, and i got to walk down the ramp with an extremely hot guy :D what are your views on ramp walking, by the way?
i basically have like one close friend left..... :( but i love her to the moon and back! go check out her blog at http://antiqueparchment.blogspot.in/
im getting very into music...... recently at school, we perfected an a capella version of clarity by zedd and it was so brilliant! if i do say so myself :p
im getting a guitar!!!!!!!!! oh my rowling this makes me so happy that asdfghjkl :p
and finally
drum roll please
i almost had a boyfriend. wow. ok. um. thats the first time i typed/ wrote that.  this guy, lets call him...... adrian. ok so adrian is super cute and super nice. i liked him for a while, but he never hinted at liking me back. until recently, when he was nicer to me than usual. my best friend (a.k.a only other close friend apart from squish at antique parchment. so i guess i have two :p) knew i sort of liked him so she asked him if he liked me and he said yes! she was extremely happy, which led him to think that i probably liked him too, and he asked me out.
disaster struck.
sure, i liked the guy, and i was ok with us knowing our feelings for each other and flirting with each other occasionally, but i was JUST NOT ready for the labels and the commitment. i didnt want it. i wanted to be single, free and passionately dreaming about my first kiss, but in a thats-so-far-away way. am i making any sense? basically, i was not ready for a boyfriend. not ready for the pressure and the i-hope-he-doesn't-try-to-kiss-me. but i really really did not want to hurt the guy's feelings. so what did i do? i asked for some time. which obviously convinced him that i was leading him to a slow rejection, but he said i could take as much time as i need.
the next day in school me and my best friend spent basically the entire day wondering, thinking, brainstorming, choosing and annoying everyone else. at the end of the day, id come to a decision. i wanted to say no. but i probably wouldn't see him until tomorrow since i rarely saw him while i was leaving school, so i wasn't exactly prepared to talk to him and let him down. if you know how unlucky i am, im sure you can guess what happened next. im walking out of school, when BAM he drops out of nowhere.
i froze.
he was looking at me expectantly. i tried saying "can i talk to you?" but it came out sounding like "mwbhmfwbm". he did understand though, apparently, and nodded. we walked to the side and-
ok, enough. anyway i said no, awkwardnes followed, the sky is blue, hallelujah.

nothing much else has been going on, except i really need some new books to read, i love glee (the t.v. show) and my favorite music right now is Demi Lovato;  thunder by boys like girls and Ed Sheeran. give warrior by Demi Lovato a listen if you want to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPoG8-WJTt0 and here is thunder: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytLzxl4-mLw and one of the cutest videos ever from Taylor and Ed: everything has changed

if any of you have read Uglies by Scott Westerfeld let me know, cause i really need to talk about it with someone :)

lastly i want to write about the tragedy people are currently facing in Uttarakhand, India. flash floods because of a crazy amount of rain have led to a huge lack of water and food and about 900 deaths. i dont know how anyone can get over something like that but i think if we all come together to support each other maybe we can hope to survive even the worst things. if any going through a hard time is reading this: stay strong, because you deserve a happy life no matter what you may have done, you can always start again. if you're missing someone like hell, remember you have to be happy because they would have wanted you to. and if you're stuck like me, remember that nothing lasts forever and life goes on no matter what :) ciao my lovelies :)

Welcome to the Island of Misfit Toys

                          You might have noticed from the title that I'm in an obsessing over the perks of being a wallflower stage, which is an awesome movie that you should watch. (AFTER you finish reading this :D) so I'm still in Italy and its starting to get boring. Thank god for the Internet! It's supposed to be this dream vacation but instead I have homework ( why?!?!?!?!???), rain and nothing to do. The thing is, my dad is here on a business trip and the rest of us laze around the apartment or go to the same department stores again or go grocery shopping while he.... Does his business. That sounded weird. Anyway, I'm intelligently using the time allotted to doing my homework to get over my boredom by writing about my boredom. It isn't like we aren't doing anything on our holiday, obviously we're going to all the tourist places, but trieste, where my dad is working is kinda boring.
                   Recently we took a trip to Rome, Florence and Pisa. That trip was amazing, and probably one of the best in my life so far, apart from goa in 2010, which is a gorgeous beach town, um, state in India. So it was a six day trip, three days in Rome, two days in Florence and a day trip to Pisa. We started really early from here on a Monday, the first day of the second week of our trip. I wish I could be here with my friends. A month with only my family feels like..... Ugh. I mean I love my family, of course I do, but maybe I love my friends just a little bit more. And I could really, really live without all the fighting :( I understand why some kids with divorced parents say that we're actually happy with the divorce because the fighting stopped. im not saying i want parents to get divorced. how creepy would that be...... anyway, Rome. so we reached around lunchtime, walked to our hotel (it was close to the station) and lazed about for a bit. the hotel was supremely awesome. for starters, it was huge. there were two bedrooms, a drawing room, a bathroom and a corridor/parlor thing. the rooms were really cosy and the decor was great. it was called gea di vulcano or something strange like that :p and it was on via nazionale which is near piazza republica. via means road and piazza means square in italian. i dont know why im doing all this free advertising for them but the hotel was great so :P anyway on the first day we set off after lunch to see the 'centro storico' literally old town. that was the first day in my vacation that i felt, calm, happy, excited and all holiday-y and vacationy. im not going to go into much detail since if youve already been to rome you'll get shit bored and if you havent then well..... google. :P so, long story short we saw the pantheon, the trevi fountain, the spanish steps and piazza navona which were all very pretty and cool (the trevi fountain is where i made my famous wish from the last post, by the way). the next day we went to -drum roll please- ancient rome!! i will go into detail because i love. that. place. if i havent mentioned it before, i love history and i have read a lot about ancient rome. so at first we went to the colosseum, which is a UNESCO world heritage sight and one of the seven wonders of the world. (ive already seen three! yay :) when it was first built, the colosseum was used as a sight for gladiator battles and could seat around 50,000 people. the main part of the colosseum is obviously the arena, where the actual battles used to take place. (in case you're rather dense these are man-on-animal battles.) the celebrations after the inaugaration of the colosseum which was basically one big party, went on for like three months and 5000 animals were killed. yeuch. so another really interesting thing about the colosseum is the way seats were allotted to spectators on the basis of their social standing. closest to the arena (which is a semicircular wooden platform with a sanded floor to absorb the blood ewww) was the senators podium, where -duh- the senators sat. then there was knights, the noblemen or something and finally the commoners, who sat right at the top and furthest away from the arena and also did not have much protection from rain or sun. oh and men and women weren't allowed to sit together. these ancient romans had some serious issues. sheesh. anyway, after a few years and wildlife massacres, the collosseum fell into disrepair and people actually started stealing material from it to build other things like- the sistine chapel. the colosseum was one of the best things we saw in the trip. in the afternoon we saw the roman forum and the palatine hill which were pretty cool but nothing like the colosseum. the next day we went to vatican city which is the centre of power of christianity or umm something like that. the sistine chapel was very awesome but the rest of it was quite boring since we weren't allowed into saint peter's basilica and im not really into renaissance art. after the disappointment of the vatican, we did a bit of shopping for souvenirs like your everyday annoying tourists.
         after rome, we did florence and the best part about was (i am going to sound like a brat but) the shopping!! annnnnddd............. i bought....................................................................................................................... boots! yes, something off the wish list :D :D well apart from the shopping, Michelangelo's sculpture David was magnificent. it is so so so beautifully carved :) the detail is just breathtaking. and david is HOT :P sorry. had to say it. who else thinks Michelangelo might have been gay?? then we made a day trip to pisa, which was really really great and the tower was so cute! totally up to colosseum standards :p and that evening we left and came back to trieste which is a small city in north italy, near venice which is where im going tomorrow!!  yay :D
oh no more packing :(
well before i go there is some stuff i want to tell you guys. some very very important stuff that you must remember all your life and that i learned yesterday and will NEVER EVER FORGET. so what you need to know is:
I SAW GREEN DAY IN CONCERT LAST NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I SHIT YOU NOT, CHECK THEIR TOUR DATES: TRIESTE, MAY 25 2013 9:00 p.m. HOW EPIC IS THAT!!!!!! I DIDNT EVEN HAVE TICKETS BUT THE FANS BROKE THE BARRICADES AND I SQUEEZED THROUGH RIGHT BEFORE THEY PUT THEM BACK UP AGAIN AND I AM IN LOVE WITH BILLY JOE ARMSTRONG AND SEEING A BAND LIVE IS THE GREATEST THING EVER AND I JUST WANT TO DO IT AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN I SHOULD STOP YELLING. there im quiet again :p well anyway that has most definitely been the highlight of my trip so far and i will so never forget that night as long as i live :D for your sake i hope you get to see a band live someday if you havent already :) oh i have some more news for you: i told the-guy-from-the-poem how i felt and he acted like he'd never liked me that way at all so now we're 'just friends' . i know right i just want to roll my eyes at the lameness of it all. :p
ill be back home in 2 weeks :( i know i said its boring but i wrote that before i saw green day :D
i am dying to meet my friends -oh and give them their awesome gifts- but.... well i like it here! but i will come back. one day, i will. i promised the trevi fountain after all ;) :)
see you next post
ciao!  <3 <3

I hate the way I don't hate you.

hi guys. so even though im in italy due to technology and amazing inventions like the world wide web, ive been connected with my friends back home. now, if youve been consistently following my blog (then i LOAF you like a love song babay!! :p :p ) then you know theres this guy, who i kind of like. and in rome (which i will tell you all about later) theres this fountain where you're supposed to toss in a penny swear you'll come back to rome and make a wish. and i wished for him to fall in love with me. and he few days later he messaged on facebook and....... well lets just say my wish came true.
B-U-T and this is going to sound really stupid...... i dont think i like him that much anymore. now dont get me wrong, im not a "tease" or anything, im not over him, i just realized that i never liked him that much. he's not someone that i could ever imagine myself being happy with. and since i stupidly realized this after my wish came true, im sorta.... stuck. i know i should tell him but this actually happened once before with the same guy, and i cant do it to him again!! and thinking about all this has made me start hating myself a lot.  :|am i evil????? honestly i dont want to or mean to do it :( and theres something else; he's moving away soon, forever. well not that that matters, because i cant let him leave believing im in love with him, because that would be the easy way out and the completely wrong thing to do, so i cant. can i?????? nooo. the thing is, its summer break right nowand im in Italy so i wont see him for a while, and i DONT want to do this online. but he keeps messaging me, and i just dont know what to say! should i string him along for a month?? how horrid would that make me?! id never be able to live with myself. i should just not be stupid and scared, and tell him and break his heart and make him hate me, again. i hate my life :/ and here is a (terrible) poem expressing my thoughts:

i hate the way you say 'liss' instead of listen
i hate the way you expect me to love you
and the way you dont seem to care.
i hate the way i wanted you
but now that i have you
i dont anymore.
i hate the way you can still make me blush
and the way it took me three years
to get over my lame-ass crush
you didnt make me feel special
i didnt think that you were different
but my stupid heart didnt want to listen.
i hate the way girls swoon around you
and remebering when i used to
and knowing im the one you want
but most of all, i hate the way
i want to
love you too

there. i just had to get that out. more about rome anditaly later :)
bye my lovelies! :D <3
P.s. pleeeeease tell me what to do :(
P.p.s the title was inspired from 10 things i hate about you, the movie :)

POST MIXUP

hello internet (total Dan reference there, yes im a huge Danosaur :D )
i just realized i missed a post in the middle, so READ THIS FIRST, IT COMES BEFORE THE LAST POST.
28/ 04/ 2013

hi guys sorry i havent written for a while, ive just kind of had writers block, if you will. so in the past week, ive felt surrounded by tragedy. that time when it feels like death is everywhere you turn. i would say i hope you never go through it, but i cant because everyone has to and in time, everyone will. the boston bombings, the shooter, the earthquake in china, the earthquake in iran, the building crash in mumbai, i just want it to stop. the boston shooter was the most awful because honestly that guy was still a teenager and thinking about someone so young wanting to kill others is really, really scary. also i think he was probably more scared than anything else. who knows why he did such awful things? and then he tried to kill himself. just goes to show; he was scared. anyway enough about that i dont want to take anyone back to a dark place. so that week was a pretty unpleasant time but im totally over it.
so i said id tell you what happens, aannnnnnnddddd...................................................................................... i got chosen! yup. i will be walking the ramp on 23rd june ;) *fist pump* so i thought it'd be hard but they just played some music, i walked a few steps turned, walked back, stop, pose, done! oh but wait, you guys havent heard the BIG NEWS. im anemic. i guess its not really rare or shocking but still. i dont even know anyone else who's anemic. :( so in case you dont know what anaemia is, it means i have very very little hemoglobin in my blood. hemoglobin carries oxygen around, and also makes the blood look red, since it has iron and iron is red so a lack of hemoglobin makes me tired and pale. how does this affect my life? it doesnt, really. i just have to take a lot of supplements and medicines :( but even that isnt so bad, i got one tablet during lunch (yes, during, its hard to digest so) two after dinner and this weird powder thing i have to drink with milk twice a week. also im not really supposed to exert much but thats just silly. so its been exactly two weeks since i last posted. nothing really happened in school except we got a ton of homework, sweated like pigs for the last few days before summer, the prefect elections, (i didnt get chosen and im bummed out but whatever) and now its summer!!






and after all that comes 'Of Black Boots And Awful Coffee' :)
im currently sitting snuggled up under the covers in a little bed somewhere in italy. i should be asleep or at least really tired, because today morning we went to this amazingly epic cave, thats around ten million years old and is completely filled with stalactites and stalagmites. it was 11 degrees inside, and that temperature stays constant for the entire year. the cave was formed ages ago by a huge river that used to flow underground. the cave is dry now (except for all the rainwater dripping through the ceiling) because the river dried up and other stuff. some of the stalagmites are still growing, like there was loads of rainwater dripping down on them. we saw only a little part of the cave cause not all of the caves are open to public. apparently they found prehistoric human remains in one of the caves :O so. cool. :D thats all ive seen so far apart from this gorgeous little castle by the sea :) awesome place for photography that. we checked out this mall too, which was EPIC. i mean it was like too much awesome stuff for one place! i fell in love with like two million dresses, boots, jackets, scarves, eye shadows, necklaces, earrings, etc... all i bought was one seriously cute neon green top and a ring. i bought the same one for my best friend but shhhhh dont tell her, its a surprise :D *sneaky grin* :p
so far im loving italy. the food is SO DARN GOOD. :p and its really gorgeous outside when its sunny. we've had about four sunny days so far. the rainy ones are AWFUL! it gets really depressing. i spent the entire (rainy) day yesterday eating yogurt and watching youtube (read danisnotonfire) videos in my pajamas. but that depression was caused by something much, much worse than the rain.
i had a chance to see green day live in concert. *jaws hit the floor* i kid you not, one of the venues of their world tour is minutes away from my hotel. why on earth am i not going, you ask?? yup, you guessed its late at night and my parents gave me a nice big fat round resounding NO. i cried for ages but im feeling better now. the worst part is, i will be able to hear the concert. (btw, if you dont know what green day is, GO TO YOUTUBE NOW!!!) the people here are oh so different from indians. more self respecting, more satisfied, just generally nicer :) i think that comes from them being generally less needy. so ive kind of vowed to be nicer when i get back :) i saw the perks of being a wallflower. it was so brilliant!!! i loved it so much :) it was so honest, and moving and beautifully made :) i cried a bit.... i think that story is going to stay with me for a very very long time. i started reading the book today. and when i got to the point where charlie lists some of his favorite songs i sat and listened to all of them, and it was like- a revelation! im serious. i just realized what trash ive been listening to all my life :p i love the song scarborough fair by simon and garfunkel. it makes you think, it makes you feel farm, it makes you love, it makes you want to dream. and smells like teen spirit by nirvana makes you want to rebel and challenge anyone who ever tried to hold you back and swallow up every roller-coaster minute of your teenage days :D so yeah, my new favourite songs, my new favourite movie and i dont know what my new favourite book is :p there are a lot of books i have to read like mark of athena, the perks of being a wallflower, the fault in our stars, divergent, the lying game. pretty little liars, and a lot of classics like how to kill a mockingbird and more..... sorry if im boring you but i need to make a list somewhere or ill just be too confused :p i just like doing that. calms me down :) anyway i dont really know what to say now so byeeee
no wait, CIAO :D <3

Of Black Boots and Awful Coffee

buon giorno!
Sorry i haven't blogged in soooo long. It won't happen again, promise :p so I don't think you'd ever be able to guess where I am.......... The dungeon of a ruined castle in turkey! 

Just kidding. Does turkey even have castles??? I'm actually at an airport in Munich, Germany. Yup, you guessed it, I'm sitting in the waiting area, waiting (duh)for my flight and trying not to die of boredom:p  in case you're terrible at geography, it's summer in India so I'm on vacation jetting off to Italy in my epic private jet with a spa and movie theatre. NOT. 

Well the Italy part is true (hurray:p ) you know how in movies they always manage to have 'extremely pleasant' flights? Sooo not true. Not hating on the airlines or anything it's just that trying to sleep in like a square foot of space is hard. So anyway I passed a sleepless night shivering under my blanket and fighting to keep my chicken -roll-with-ketchup down, tossing and turning ( I wonder how many people I kicked and elbowed...... ) and waiting to land. So here I am at Munich airport waiting for my flight that isn't for another hour and a half:( 

It's not that fun being in a country where you don't speak the language:/ like the guy at the security check was asking me something and I was just like wuuuuut??? Honestly, the look he gave me...........  So I'm having second thoughts about moving abroad for work or something. I mean I can learn a language, easy, but I don't know if I'd ever feel like I belong.

Nothing much else has been going on since schools out and I'm not very good at keeping in touch:p I finally got my computer to start working properly and it's in this little corner in a room and that's become like MY corner. Honestly I just don't go anywhere else. Obviously that leads to problems, like in a few days I'm going to get buried in granola bar wrappers :p (really, I can't stop eating them :p) and other problems, like my mom getting very very very annoyed with me. And that's something that you definitely don't want to see. Now don't get me wrong, I love my mom (this is in case she ever tries to read this :p) but........... Ups and downs you know *shrug face*.  Speaking of family relations, I'm meeting my dad today after 2 weeks! :D obviously you can tell I love my dad too :) and then there's my sister who's five years older than me, and already away at college but is now home for vacay :D she won't ever be home for this long again :( at least I hope not :p :D

Blaaaaaahh...............................................................................

I really don't know what to say :/ ............

                ...........

                                                                .......................

Ok. Lightbulb :p I'm doing a things I want list. 

Black ankle boots

An acoustic guitar

The Harry potter new editions

A kindle

Views on my blog

A white dress

Coffeeeeee!!! A nice latte. Not some trashy cappuccino like the one on the plane :/

Free wifi. I'm DYING here :(

      Somehow this became a complaints list. Sorry :p

Red lipstick. Like SCARLET red :D

a Porsche or a jag......

       This is just a things I want list btw. Like anything I ever saw and felt a tug of longing for. Not things I want from life or anything, so allow me to be a little                                 ridiculous :p

A collection of something. Anything. I just feel like collecting stuff :D maybe shoes ;) 

                                                                  SIX HOURS LATER

I'm at the hotel in Italy :D it's great here but I still get that don't belong feeling a bit because i can't speak a word of italian :( its sad. anyway im going to read percy jackson and eat deliciously unhealthy food drool over clothes and bags and BOOOOOTS! :p in other news i just  watched les miserables and i loved it :D let me know if you've seen it and what you thought. and tell me whats on your want-list! ciao my senors and senoritas ;)
p.s. go check out my friends blog to know what else we've been upto: it doesnt matter: morning murder