B-O-Y-F-R-I-E-N-D (potential) spells chaos

hello world! i am back from the dead! im sure most of you thought id given up on this blog but -hurray- i decided to revive it. and the reason is: STUFF happened. and in our now ridiculously obsessed-with-technology world, i cant really bring myself to open up my diary and pick up a pen, so here i am, typing away! i am not going to sit and think about every single thing that i missed blogging about so ill just give you the important stuff:
im back in india and super happy about it, though i do miss italy :(
school started and it is terrible :(
the big melange festival i mentioned went off with a bang, and i got to walk down the ramp with an extremely hot guy :D what are your views on ramp walking, by the way?
i basically have like one close friend left..... :( but i love her to the moon and back! go check out her blog at http://antiqueparchment.blogspot.in/
im getting very into music...... recently at school, we perfected an a capella version of clarity by zedd and it was so brilliant! if i do say so myself :p
im getting a guitar!!!!!!!!! oh my rowling this makes me so happy that asdfghjkl :p
and finally
drum roll please
i almost had a boyfriend. wow. ok. um. thats the first time i typed/ wrote that.  this guy, lets call him...... adrian. ok so adrian is super cute and super nice. i liked him for a while, but he never hinted at liking me back. until recently, when he was nicer to me than usual. my best friend (a.k.a only other close friend apart from squish at antique parchment. so i guess i have two :p) knew i sort of liked him so she asked him if he liked me and he said yes! she was extremely happy, which led him to think that i probably liked him too, and he asked me out.
disaster struck.
sure, i liked the guy, and i was ok with us knowing our feelings for each other and flirting with each other occasionally, but i was JUST NOT ready for the labels and the commitment. i didnt want it. i wanted to be single, free and passionately dreaming about my first kiss, but in a thats-so-far-away way. am i making any sense? basically, i was not ready for a boyfriend. not ready for the pressure and the i-hope-he-doesn't-try-to-kiss-me. but i really really did not want to hurt the guy's feelings. so what did i do? i asked for some time. which obviously convinced him that i was leading him to a slow rejection, but he said i could take as much time as i need.
the next day in school me and my best friend spent basically the entire day wondering, thinking, brainstorming, choosing and annoying everyone else. at the end of the day, id come to a decision. i wanted to say no. but i probably wouldn't see him until tomorrow since i rarely saw him while i was leaving school, so i wasn't exactly prepared to talk to him and let him down. if you know how unlucky i am, im sure you can guess what happened next. im walking out of school, when BAM he drops out of nowhere.
i froze.
he was looking at me expectantly. i tried saying "can i talk to you?" but it came out sounding like "mwbhmfwbm". he did understand though, apparently, and nodded. we walked to the side and-
ok, enough. anyway i said no, awkwardnes followed, the sky is blue, hallelujah.

nothing much else has been going on, except i really need some new books to read, i love glee (the t.v. show) and my favorite music right now is Demi Lovato;  thunder by boys like girls and Ed Sheeran. give warrior by Demi Lovato a listen if you want to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPoG8-WJTt0 and here is thunder: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytLzxl4-mLw and one of the cutest videos ever from Taylor and Ed: everything has changed

if any of you have read Uglies by Scott Westerfeld let me know, cause i really need to talk about it with someone :)

lastly i want to write about the tragedy people are currently facing in Uttarakhand, India. flash floods because of a crazy amount of rain have led to a huge lack of water and food and about 900 deaths. i dont know how anyone can get over something like that but i think if we all come together to support each other maybe we can hope to survive even the worst things. if any going through a hard time is reading this: stay strong, because you deserve a happy life no matter what you may have done, you can always start again. if you're missing someone like hell, remember you have to be happy because they would have wanted you to. and if you're stuck like me, remember that nothing lasts forever and life goes on no matter what :) ciao my lovelies :)

Welcome to the Island of Misfit Toys

                          You might have noticed from the title that I'm in an obsessing over the perks of being a wallflower stage, which is an awesome movie that you should watch. (AFTER you finish reading this :D) so I'm still in Italy and its starting to get boring. Thank god for the Internet! It's supposed to be this dream vacation but instead I have homework ( why?!?!?!?!???), rain and nothing to do. The thing is, my dad is here on a business trip and the rest of us laze around the apartment or go to the same department stores again or go grocery shopping while he.... Does his business. That sounded weird. Anyway, I'm intelligently using the time allotted to doing my homework to get over my boredom by writing about my boredom. It isn't like we aren't doing anything on our holiday, obviously we're going to all the tourist places, but trieste, where my dad is working is kinda boring.
                   Recently we took a trip to Rome, Florence and Pisa. That trip was amazing, and probably one of the best in my life so far, apart from goa in 2010, which is a gorgeous beach town, um, state in India. So it was a six day trip, three days in Rome, two days in Florence and a day trip to Pisa. We started really early from here on a Monday, the first day of the second week of our trip. I wish I could be here with my friends. A month with only my family feels like..... Ugh. I mean I love my family, of course I do, but maybe I love my friends just a little bit more. And I could really, really live without all the fighting :( I understand why some kids with divorced parents say that we're actually happy with the divorce because the fighting stopped. im not saying i want parents to get divorced. how creepy would that be...... anyway, Rome. so we reached around lunchtime, walked to our hotel (it was close to the station) and lazed about for a bit. the hotel was supremely awesome. for starters, it was huge. there were two bedrooms, a drawing room, a bathroom and a corridor/parlor thing. the rooms were really cosy and the decor was great. it was called gea di vulcano or something strange like that :p and it was on via nazionale which is near piazza republica. via means road and piazza means square in italian. i dont know why im doing all this free advertising for them but the hotel was great so :P anyway on the first day we set off after lunch to see the 'centro storico' literally old town. that was the first day in my vacation that i felt, calm, happy, excited and all holiday-y and vacationy. im not going to go into much detail since if youve already been to rome you'll get shit bored and if you havent then well..... google. :P so, long story short we saw the pantheon, the trevi fountain, the spanish steps and piazza navona which were all very pretty and cool (the trevi fountain is where i made my famous wish from the last post, by the way). the next day we went to -drum roll please- ancient rome!! i will go into detail because i love. that. place. if i havent mentioned it before, i love history and i have read a lot about ancient rome. so at first we went to the colosseum, which is a UNESCO world heritage sight and one of the seven wonders of the world. (ive already seen three! yay :) when it was first built, the colosseum was used as a sight for gladiator battles and could seat around 50,000 people. the main part of the colosseum is obviously the arena, where the actual battles used to take place. (in case you're rather dense these are man-on-animal battles.) the celebrations after the inaugaration of the colosseum which was basically one big party, went on for like three months and 5000 animals were killed. yeuch. so another really interesting thing about the colosseum is the way seats were allotted to spectators on the basis of their social standing. closest to the arena (which is a semicircular wooden platform with a sanded floor to absorb the blood ewww) was the senators podium, where -duh- the senators sat. then there was knights, the noblemen or something and finally the commoners, who sat right at the top and furthest away from the arena and also did not have much protection from rain or sun. oh and men and women weren't allowed to sit together. these ancient romans had some serious issues. sheesh. anyway, after a few years and wildlife massacres, the collosseum fell into disrepair and people actually started stealing material from it to build other things like- the sistine chapel. the colosseum was one of the best things we saw in the trip. in the afternoon we saw the roman forum and the palatine hill which were pretty cool but nothing like the colosseum. the next day we went to vatican city which is the centre of power of christianity or umm something like that. the sistine chapel was very awesome but the rest of it was quite boring since we weren't allowed into saint peter's basilica and im not really into renaissance art. after the disappointment of the vatican, we did a bit of shopping for souvenirs like your everyday annoying tourists.
         after rome, we did florence and the best part about was (i am going to sound like a brat but) the shopping!! annnnnddd............. i bought....................................................................................................................... boots! yes, something off the wish list :D :D well apart from the shopping, Michelangelo's sculpture David was magnificent. it is so so so beautifully carved :) the detail is just breathtaking. and david is HOT :P sorry. had to say it. who else thinks Michelangelo might have been gay?? then we made a day trip to pisa, which was really really great and the tower was so cute! totally up to colosseum standards :p and that evening we left and came back to trieste which is a small city in north italy, near venice which is where im going tomorrow!!  yay :D
oh no more packing :(
well before i go there is some stuff i want to tell you guys. some very very important stuff that you must remember all your life and that i learned yesterday and will NEVER EVER FORGET. so what you need to know is:
I SAW GREEN DAY IN CONCERT LAST NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I SHIT YOU NOT, CHECK THEIR TOUR DATES: TRIESTE, MAY 25 2013 9:00 p.m. HOW EPIC IS THAT!!!!!! I DIDNT EVEN HAVE TICKETS BUT THE FANS BROKE THE BARRICADES AND I SQUEEZED THROUGH RIGHT BEFORE THEY PUT THEM BACK UP AGAIN AND I AM IN LOVE WITH BILLY JOE ARMSTRONG AND SEEING A BAND LIVE IS THE GREATEST THING EVER AND I JUST WANT TO DO IT AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN I SHOULD STOP YELLING. there im quiet again :p well anyway that has most definitely been the highlight of my trip so far and i will so never forget that night as long as i live :D for your sake i hope you get to see a band live someday if you havent already :) oh i have some more news for you: i told the-guy-from-the-poem how i felt and he acted like he'd never liked me that way at all so now we're 'just friends' . i know right i just want to roll my eyes at the lameness of it all. :p
ill be back home in 2 weeks :( i know i said its boring but i wrote that before i saw green day :D
i am dying to meet my friends -oh and give them their awesome gifts- but.... well i like it here! but i will come back. one day, i will. i promised the trevi fountain after all ;) :)
see you next post
ciao!  <3 <3

I hate the way I don't hate you.

hi guys. so even though im in italy due to technology and amazing inventions like the world wide web, ive been connected with my friends back home. now, if youve been consistently following my blog (then i LOAF you like a love song babay!! :p :p ) then you know theres this guy, who i kind of like. and in rome (which i will tell you all about later) theres this fountain where you're supposed to toss in a penny swear you'll come back to rome and make a wish. and i wished for him to fall in love with me. and he few days later he messaged on facebook and....... well lets just say my wish came true.
B-U-T and this is going to sound really stupid...... i dont think i like him that much anymore. now dont get me wrong, im not a "tease" or anything, im not over him, i just realized that i never liked him that much. he's not someone that i could ever imagine myself being happy with. and since i stupidly realized this after my wish came true, im sorta.... stuck. i know i should tell him but this actually happened once before with the same guy, and i cant do it to him again!! and thinking about all this has made me start hating myself a lot.  :|am i evil????? honestly i dont want to or mean to do it :( and theres something else; he's moving away soon, forever. well not that that matters, because i cant let him leave believing im in love with him, because that would be the easy way out and the completely wrong thing to do, so i cant. can i?????? nooo. the thing is, its summer break right nowand im in Italy so i wont see him for a while, and i DONT want to do this online. but he keeps messaging me, and i just dont know what to say! should i string him along for a month?? how horrid would that make me?! id never be able to live with myself. i should just not be stupid and scared, and tell him and break his heart and make him hate me, again. i hate my life :/ and here is a (terrible) poem expressing my thoughts:

i hate the way you say 'liss' instead of listen
i hate the way you expect me to love you
and the way you dont seem to care.
i hate the way i wanted you
but now that i have you
i dont anymore.
i hate the way you can still make me blush
and the way it took me three years
to get over my lame-ass crush
you didnt make me feel special
i didnt think that you were different
but my stupid heart didnt want to listen.
i hate the way girls swoon around you
and remebering when i used to
and knowing im the one you want
but most of all, i hate the way
i want to
love you too

there. i just had to get that out. more about rome anditaly later :)
bye my lovelies! :D <3
P.s. pleeeeease tell me what to do :(
P.p.s the title was inspired from 10 things i hate about you, the movie :)

POST MIXUP

hello internet (total Dan reference there, yes im a huge Danosaur :D )
i just realized i missed a post in the middle, so READ THIS FIRST, IT COMES BEFORE THE LAST POST.
28/ 04/ 2013

hi guys sorry i havent written for a while, ive just kind of had writers block, if you will. so in the past week, ive felt surrounded by tragedy. that time when it feels like death is everywhere you turn. i would say i hope you never go through it, but i cant because everyone has to and in time, everyone will. the boston bombings, the shooter, the earthquake in china, the earthquake in iran, the building crash in mumbai, i just want it to stop. the boston shooter was the most awful because honestly that guy was still a teenager and thinking about someone so young wanting to kill others is really, really scary. also i think he was probably more scared than anything else. who knows why he did such awful things? and then he tried to kill himself. just goes to show; he was scared. anyway enough about that i dont want to take anyone back to a dark place. so that week was a pretty unpleasant time but im totally over it.
so i said id tell you what happens, aannnnnnnddddd...................................................................................... i got chosen! yup. i will be walking the ramp on 23rd june ;) *fist pump* so i thought it'd be hard but they just played some music, i walked a few steps turned, walked back, stop, pose, done! oh but wait, you guys havent heard the BIG NEWS. im anemic. i guess its not really rare or shocking but still. i dont even know anyone else who's anemic. :( so in case you dont know what anaemia is, it means i have very very little hemoglobin in my blood. hemoglobin carries oxygen around, and also makes the blood look red, since it has iron and iron is red so a lack of hemoglobin makes me tired and pale. how does this affect my life? it doesnt, really. i just have to take a lot of supplements and medicines :( but even that isnt so bad, i got one tablet during lunch (yes, during, its hard to digest so) two after dinner and this weird powder thing i have to drink with milk twice a week. also im not really supposed to exert much but thats just silly. so its been exactly two weeks since i last posted. nothing really happened in school except we got a ton of homework, sweated like pigs for the last few days before summer, the prefect elections, (i didnt get chosen and im bummed out but whatever) and now its summer!!






and after all that comes 'Of Black Boots And Awful Coffee' :)
im currently sitting snuggled up under the covers in a little bed somewhere in italy. i should be asleep or at least really tired, because today morning we went to this amazingly epic cave, thats around ten million years old and is completely filled with stalactites and stalagmites. it was 11 degrees inside, and that temperature stays constant for the entire year. the cave was formed ages ago by a huge river that used to flow underground. the cave is dry now (except for all the rainwater dripping through the ceiling) because the river dried up and other stuff. some of the stalagmites are still growing, like there was loads of rainwater dripping down on them. we saw only a little part of the cave cause not all of the caves are open to public. apparently they found prehistoric human remains in one of the caves :O so. cool. :D thats all ive seen so far apart from this gorgeous little castle by the sea :) awesome place for photography that. we checked out this mall too, which was EPIC. i mean it was like too much awesome stuff for one place! i fell in love with like two million dresses, boots, jackets, scarves, eye shadows, necklaces, earrings, etc... all i bought was one seriously cute neon green top and a ring. i bought the same one for my best friend but shhhhh dont tell her, its a surprise :D *sneaky grin* :p
so far im loving italy. the food is SO DARN GOOD. :p and its really gorgeous outside when its sunny. we've had about four sunny days so far. the rainy ones are AWFUL! it gets really depressing. i spent the entire (rainy) day yesterday eating yogurt and watching youtube (read danisnotonfire) videos in my pajamas. but that depression was caused by something much, much worse than the rain.
i had a chance to see green day live in concert. *jaws hit the floor* i kid you not, one of the venues of their world tour is minutes away from my hotel. why on earth am i not going, you ask?? yup, you guessed its late at night and my parents gave me a nice big fat round resounding NO. i cried for ages but im feeling better now. the worst part is, i will be able to hear the concert. (btw, if you dont know what green day is, GO TO YOUTUBE NOW!!!) the people here are oh so different from indians. more self respecting, more satisfied, just generally nicer :) i think that comes from them being generally less needy. so ive kind of vowed to be nicer when i get back :) i saw the perks of being a wallflower. it was so brilliant!!! i loved it so much :) it was so honest, and moving and beautifully made :) i cried a bit.... i think that story is going to stay with me for a very very long time. i started reading the book today. and when i got to the point where charlie lists some of his favorite songs i sat and listened to all of them, and it was like- a revelation! im serious. i just realized what trash ive been listening to all my life :p i love the song scarborough fair by simon and garfunkel. it makes you think, it makes you feel farm, it makes you love, it makes you want to dream. and smells like teen spirit by nirvana makes you want to rebel and challenge anyone who ever tried to hold you back and swallow up every roller-coaster minute of your teenage days :D so yeah, my new favourite songs, my new favourite movie and i dont know what my new favourite book is :p there are a lot of books i have to read like mark of athena, the perks of being a wallflower, the fault in our stars, divergent, the lying game. pretty little liars, and a lot of classics like how to kill a mockingbird and more..... sorry if im boring you but i need to make a list somewhere or ill just be too confused :p i just like doing that. calms me down :) anyway i dont really know what to say now so byeeee
no wait, CIAO :D <3

Of Black Boots and Awful Coffee

buon giorno!
Sorry i haven't blogged in soooo long. It won't happen again, promise :p so I don't think you'd ever be able to guess where I am.......... The dungeon of a ruined castle in turkey! 

Just kidding. Does turkey even have castles??? I'm actually at an airport in Munich, Germany. Yup, you guessed it, I'm sitting in the waiting area, waiting (duh)for my flight and trying not to die of boredom:p  in case you're terrible at geography, it's summer in India so I'm on vacation jetting off to Italy in my epic private jet with a spa and movie theatre. NOT. 

Well the Italy part is true (hurray:p ) you know how in movies they always manage to have 'extremely pleasant' flights? Sooo not true. Not hating on the airlines or anything it's just that trying to sleep in like a square foot of space is hard. So anyway I passed a sleepless night shivering under my blanket and fighting to keep my chicken -roll-with-ketchup down, tossing and turning ( I wonder how many people I kicked and elbowed...... ) and waiting to land. So here I am at Munich airport waiting for my flight that isn't for another hour and a half:( 

It's not that fun being in a country where you don't speak the language:/ like the guy at the security check was asking me something and I was just like wuuuuut??? Honestly, the look he gave me...........  So I'm having second thoughts about moving abroad for work or something. I mean I can learn a language, easy, but I don't know if I'd ever feel like I belong.

Nothing much else has been going on since schools out and I'm not very good at keeping in touch:p I finally got my computer to start working properly and it's in this little corner in a room and that's become like MY corner. Honestly I just don't go anywhere else. Obviously that leads to problems, like in a few days I'm going to get buried in granola bar wrappers :p (really, I can't stop eating them :p) and other problems, like my mom getting very very very annoyed with me. And that's something that you definitely don't want to see. Now don't get me wrong, I love my mom (this is in case she ever tries to read this :p) but........... Ups and downs you know *shrug face*.  Speaking of family relations, I'm meeting my dad today after 2 weeks! :D obviously you can tell I love my dad too :) and then there's my sister who's five years older than me, and already away at college but is now home for vacay :D she won't ever be home for this long again :( at least I hope not :p :D

Blaaaaaahh...............................................................................

I really don't know what to say :/ ............

                ...........

                                                                .......................

Ok. Lightbulb :p I'm doing a things I want list. 

Black ankle boots

An acoustic guitar

The Harry potter new editions

A kindle

Views on my blog

A white dress

Coffeeeeee!!! A nice latte. Not some trashy cappuccino like the one on the plane :/

Free wifi. I'm DYING here :(

      Somehow this became a complaints list. Sorry :p

Red lipstick. Like SCARLET red :D

a Porsche or a jag......

       This is just a things I want list btw. Like anything I ever saw and felt a tug of longing for. Not things I want from life or anything, so allow me to be a little                                 ridiculous :p

A collection of something. Anything. I just feel like collecting stuff :D maybe shoes ;) 

                                                                  SIX HOURS LATER

I'm at the hotel in Italy :D it's great here but I still get that don't belong feeling a bit because i can't speak a word of italian :( its sad. anyway im going to read percy jackson and eat deliciously unhealthy food drool over clothes and bags and BOOOOOTS! :p in other news i just  watched les miserables and i loved it :D let me know if you've seen it and what you thought. and tell me whats on your want-list! ciao my senors and senoritas ;)
p.s. go check out my friends blog to know what else we've been upto: it doesnt matter: morning murder

Online Diary Entry :D

hello world :) sorry i haven't posted lately but trust me there was nothing to write ABOUT. but now long enough time has passed that things have happened in my world. so, two days after i last posted, ninth grade started. i thought id be nervous or excited or something but i didn't feel anything like that at all. all i knew was that i wasn't looking forward to it much. that turned out to be pretty stupid since ninth grade so far has been great :) most of my new teachers lectured us about how hard we're going to have to study, but my class teacher (yes, we have class teachers) told us that she wanted us to use this year to have FUN. It. doesn't  get. more. AWESOME. as you can tell, she's pretty great :) at the end of last year, we had this huge fight, so i really didn't know how we all stood at the start of this year. but then something brilliant happened; all the people who turned against us and decided we were no longer worth their precious time, moved to other schools. and the people who used to be on their side decided we weren't so bad after all and apologized. just like that, our grade is back to normal (that means no ones plotting murder :) another great thing that happened is that a close friend i'd broken up with about this jerk of a guy apologized and now we're closer than ever :) jeez my life sounds like a soap opera.... but one thing i learned is that it'll always be ok in the end. time can heal. wait correction, time can heal almost everything. like me and this guy i used to like, we were great for a while and then in The Big Fight he was extremely mean to my best friend and he never made it up to her... :'( i guess that means he isnt worth it, so here's to forgetting him. *raise glass* :) well in other news, one of the colleges in my city is hosting a harry potter themed day-long event. im so psyched! its the first harry potter event ill be going to. you're supposed to go as your favorite character and i really dont know what to do.... i mean if i went as hermione id look the same as i always do :/ and it'd be impossible for me to go as harry or fred or george or lily or tonks. hey no wait... i could be tonks;  i just need a bubble-gum-pink wig! xD currently im planning to go as bellatrix. she has a characteristic look that's not hard to pull off and as characters go shes not too bad :)
another thing im excited about is my school's supermegafoxyawesomehot inter-school festival. im warning you i love talking about it and my computer cant yell "shut up" so this could go on ;) so basically schools from all over the city are invited to take part. ultimately one school will win though there will of course be winners for each individual event. the events are like this:

1. musical masquerade- singing and dancing
2. smash art cauldron- art, duh.
3. hybrid- brainy stuff
4. venture- sporty stuff
5. charisma- personality contest

ooh just talking about it gives me shivers. now, my school doesn't participate since we're 'hosts' so what do we do during the events you ask? there is LOTS for us to do. there are 4 directors, (fingers crossed i get to be one next to next year) then there are event coordinators (do i have to explain this??) and event managers, who host the events. apart from smash art cauldron, none of the events have event managers or coordinators from my grade, and im not exactly "artsy" :'( obviously, the events aren't going to run themselves and for that, we have committees. there's a jury committee ( this is the worst, pampering the judges), a hospitality committee (taking care of the participants), an accolade committe (i still dont know what they do) and a registration committe (registration before every event) im in registration :/ well at least ill get to talk to some cute guys xD thats about it. the even t is in june... h no wait i forgot! so, for, charisma ramp walk is one of the um, sub-events. and even though my school doesnt take part we like to show off ;) so a coupla students from my school will walk the ramp before the event. annnd............................................................................................................ ive been chosen to audition! i really, really want to walk the ramp in front of a million people... *hopes* :p the auditions will be this monday or tuesday. ill let you know what happens... :)
and in the world of gossip..... one of the girls who was against us in The Big Fight, recently met and is now good friends with the "online flirting" guy i mentioned a few posts back :( he doesnt message me anymore.... *sigh* well let them be happy together :p theres nothing much more to say....
summer starts in a few weeks!!! and guess what??? guess guess guess *drum roll* im going to italy!!!! incredibly excited :) on that super-happy note, i bid you farewell to go practice strutting in front of the mirror:)
adios :)

Stop. Judging.

I saw this on Facebook a few days ago. i loved it. i wish i could show this picture to every prejudiced racist freak on this planet. and you know where id start?? my school. my city. my home. im completely serious. people here actually don't always trust Muslims  i once had a friend who said to me, " i dont like this area. there are too many Muslims here." i almost knocked her lights out. come to think of it, i should have. she's caused nothing but pain. (in case you're a bit slow, we aren't friends anymore). so getting back to the point, when are people going to realize that not all Muslims are terrorists?? just like all smart people are not nerds and not all pretty girls are stupid. i guess what im saying is STOP GENERALIZING. people just assume things about you, because you come under one label or the other. i've been called im a nerd nearly all my life. and sure sometimes i love being a nerd but people cant seriously think i do homework all day. so back to the picture. i dont think i can count the minutes ive spent trying to explain to the jerks in my class that not all Muslims are terrorists. but some people just dont want to listen. they'll only see what they want to. and you know once you  know that you cant blame them: they're only doing what they think is right. just like the rest of us. sure, you can hate them for it, but how long until someone decides what YOU'RE doing is disgusting and inhuman?? dont get me wrong, im not some freaky saint, i just realized that prejudiced and horrible people actually believe in what they do. ive hated them for it, cursed them, been shocked at their cruelty and wanted them dead but while i was writing this post i just looked at things from their point of view.... (which i still think is twisted). you might have noticed my new picture.... its equality. for everyone. gay, straight, hindu, muslim, christian, asian, caucasian, african, potterhead, directioner, whatever. :D well in other news im addicted to heart attack by demi lovato. its amazing :)

im wearing some new perfume thats apparently the favorite smell of every mosquito in the state so im going to go before i get eaten alive. good night :)

What on earth is wrong with the world?!

when things get too boring, i get a little crazy. and currently im incredibly bored :( but don't worry this isn't gonna be like some lame post where i just crib about how sad my life is (even though it is). sorry im doing it again.

anyway, late this Sunday afternoon i was on the way home from my aunts house in my moms car with my mom and sister. road trips are supposed to be fun, right? driving with the radio on loud on a sunny summer day. picture perfect right?? wrong. driving in this city reminds me of a lot of very confused and disobedient toddlers, who cant read traffic signs. seriously i mean how hard is it to STAY IN YOUR LANE?? and all you pedestrians, there are things called zebra crossings and traffic lights, that are there for a reason. and just so we're clear, RED means STOP and GREEN means GO. it would be really nice if people remembered that, and other things like when signs say heavy vehicles stay left, they mean heavy vehicles stay LEFT. really if someone was in a helicopter and flying over the roads looking down, they wouldn't be able to make head or tail of the traffic. i wouldn't even be able to tell if it was a zoo or a road. and i know sitting here complaining isn't going to do much, and you're supposed to be the change you want to see but i don't know what im supposed to do. write a letter to the traffic department? like a million other people have been there, done that. and anyway, the rules are already in place, its just that no one wants to follow them. but the traffic department could use some motivation. maybe a nice kind letter like this:

''hey yo traffic department! do you even exist? cus i cant see any evidence that you do. i think you guys have forgotten what ya'll are supposed to be doing. want a reminder?? MANAGE THE TRAFFIC. actual lanes on highways would be nice. also, a few more traffic signals and road signs that make some SENSE and don't broadcast meaningless rubbish. and get rid of the illegal hoardings for gods sake. no one cares which lucky politicians birthday it is. thank you. have a nice life.''

somehow i don't think that would work.... well maybe i could start a campaign or something. but everyone will tell me there are more important things to campaign about. and there are actually, but i don't feel like ranting about them right now, so ill rant about my own life instead.

isn't it amazing how people are always telling you to be yourself, and then they tell you exactly how to be at the same time? like ''don't try copying others, have your own style.'' and then the next day, ''oh my god WHAT are you wearing?'' it gets annoying. and some people can be SO judgmental. Hello everyone has their own reasons for doing things and im sure you do too. and on top of everything they lie and cheat and ugh.... god im just in an annoyed mood right now. and isn't it lovely when people lead you on?? they tell you're pretty and amazing and then they just.... ignore you. i so love that feeling. and i absolutely adore getting insulted by people who don't know anything about me. im done. good night.

Fangirls be like

im not writing a super long blog, but i just saw this picture and i HAD to post it. its so wonderful. :) :p

ramblings

ok, so im sure everyone has that moment in their lives where they go ''What the HELL is going on??''
when the smartest guy in class fails history. when your best friend basically calls you a selfish b***h. when a guy you've been flirting with online meets you in person and is kind of an ass. when your other long lost best friend calls out of the blue and you have a nice chat. when a guy you've been crushing on forever just got back in town after six months and you didnt even see him. and after all this you suddenly find yourself in tears, for no reason. you might have noticed that i kind of think im at that point.
and this is basically a rant blog, so if you aren't in the mood you might as well stop. so im trying to think of a song to go with this.... maybe breathe by Anna Nalik. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V8rtJRlLdI8
especially the part that goes '2 am and im still awake writing a song, if i get it all down on paper its no longer inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to.' theres also the fact that my 2 am friend isnt really my 2 am friend anymore. and at this point i could go into a whole 'what is wrong with the world'  paragraph but i just dont want to go there. so i will simply change the topic completely.
My newest fandom obsession (perhaps you've gathered by now that one of my hobbies is fangirling) is Imagine Dragons. i love that band. their music is sooo beautiful and thats really all that matters. i dont care who they're dating or what they look like (and its not like i know anyway) my favourite song by them is of course bleeding out. its practically my anthem by now. i love it because of the way the beat starts in the beginning and the epic guitar harmony in the end. one thing i really want to do is see them live... :'(
guess i can add that to the million other things i 'want'. why do we always want so many things anyway?? i mean is there ever a time when you dont want anything AT ALL??  and i dont mean being happy or blissful i mean when you dont want anything like not even a little more sunshine or just a slightly plumper pillow. i think the answer is no. we were made that way, to want things and have hopes and ambition. its what makes us human. at the same time, its also what can make us inhuman. so im not going to lecture y'all about greed and stuff :p and im bored of typing aimless rubbish about me.
ive been thinking about homosexuality and gay rights and stuff like that. the first time i really thought about that was when i went for this thing called MUN(model united nations) which is like the United Nations on a school level. i was in the human rights commission and we were discussing LGBT rights. and i met a girl who was against gays for the stupidest reasons. she thought people choose to be gay. i mean the way they are treated in my country, no one would choose that for themselves which she obviously hadnt thought of. i tried so hard to convince her that people cant change their sexual orientation! but she just didnt want to believe me. like she refused to see reason if it meant she'd have to change her opinion. some people just- ugh. *sighs in frustration* its not like i have any experience since i dont know any openly gay people but i do know that there isnt anything wrong in being born the way you are. if only our entire world knew that, we'd have so much less crime. unless you're born a serial killer then that would just lead to more crime if no one hated you and well.... yeah....
another thing ive been wondering about (i seem to wonder and think a lot huh??) is online flirting.... is it ethical?? or good? or bad? i have no idea. maybe its alright as long as you know the person you're flirting with well... :p but its so easy to lie online.you never know what the other person really means, or if its true. and you cant study their body language which is obviously what you need to figure out if someones messing with ya. sorry im sounding a bit PI- ish or preachy :p
so this has turned from a rant into a nice pleasant... umm.... i dont know what. :p and im not mad anymore at all. maybe a bit bored but thats pretty standard for me. ill go read one of my wonderful new books of which i bought 10 at this amazing book fair where you could by a kilogram of books for rs. 100 (which is an epic deal) normally one good book costs rs. 250 so.
im currently reading In The Midnight Hour by Michelle Spring and im dying to read Frostbite by richelle mead. if there was a song to describe me right now it would be something along the lines of very-sleepy-crazy-obsessed-fangirl-bored-typing-going... to... bed..... *yawn*
                                                                                        goodnight peeps! :)

back from the dead

wow. so i havent been on for what six months?? whoever was following this blog probably thought i fell off the surface of the earth or something. but no worries, im back from the dead :D.
so where i have been for the past six months?? in the land of the ridiculously busy, thats where. but i also discovered that i love being unbelievably busy.it keeps me going, gives me something to work for, a schedule, a time limit keeps me from wondering pointless things. when i have nothing to do, i tend to fall into depression, and thats somewhere im not going.
recently, i started to feel like i was losing myself. like i used to be this crazy rebel-atheist-feminist, then i became this super-perky popular chick, lost a best friend and made two more... and in the middle i was a depressed-snappy-teenager.
and now i have a moment to breathe, im going to try and see who i like better. the girl who just loves being whoever she is, or the girl who wants to be loved. or maybe ill always be both. :)
so my exams just got over, and i finally have time to myself and to make sure i dont die of boredom, i bought myself 10 books :D i finished one of them yesterday, its called How I Live Now, by meg rosoff and its one of the most beautiful books i ever read. it taught me a lot, about.. everything... war. people. emotions. love.
some of the other books that made me who i am are:

• harry potter. this series i will love to my last breath.
• pretty little liars and the lying game. they taught me a lot about people too.
• the mortal instruments. addictive, and inspiring.
• the thief lord
• the hunger games
• alex rider
• private peaceful
• the witching hour
• and like a million more (thats not a book)

i guess if im getting into things i love, i could continue. music is a huuuuge part of my life, so is dance and sometimes acting :)

                                                                                 ***

ive been doing a lot of thinking about stuff like 'world issues' if you want to call them that, but some of that stuff actually matters. like gay rights. (FYI, i support gay rights, im not gay)and womens rights. and ive been thinking about war and terrorism too. and wondering what pushes people to kill others...

ok enough of this depressing stuff :p

so i have nothing much to say... id bore you with all the fabulous stuff i did in the last six months, but by now im bored of that too :p so this is goodbye :D hopefully ill be back in a lot less than six months :) one last smiley :D

Take Off

 instead of calling my first blog pilot, i decided to call it take off. it is a take off, essentially, of something new. basically ill be blogging about.... anything actually. anything and everything. whatever's on my mind.

so. caught in an immortal storm. i called it that because that's what it feels like. everything around goes on and on and new winds blow and sometimes there's a hurricane and you may be riding the wave or you could just be....... drifting. and most of the time we are drifting. it takes strength to put on a brave face and go out there and do something and be happy and satisfied and not feel sad about who you are and what you do. strength which we find someday and some days we dont. 

today, for me, is not a strength finding day :( im bored, all i have to do is homework, and everything feels pointless and hopeless. and when there's nothing to look forward to it can get awful. but i guess it WILL get better. for instance i promise myself and anyone who reads this that tomorrow i will not be sitting in front of the computer. yup. i will go out and do something. wow:) thats making me feel better already:) when im feeling down, i start counting the good things going on:

• X factor (USA) today night:D:D
• taylor swifts new song Red is amazing:)
• my music performance is tomorrow:) (wish me luck!:p)
• my sister will be home in 13 days.
• i'm going for a MUN in 11 days!!!

so if you don't know what a MUN is: its Model United Nations. a simulation of the UN where there people(delegates) representing a country like any member nation of the UN and there are all the committees that are there in the UN. basically its like a youth conference. so the resolutions that the delegates make on whatever issue their committee is discussing, gets sent to the REAL UN. which is great. MUNs are held in a lot of schools but these are really small. the big international MUN's are HMUN (Harvard mun) THIMUN (the Hague international model united nations) and IIMUN (Indian international MUN) so MUNning is basically a lot of fun and the next one im going for is a school one on 18th October :):) lemme know if you've ever been for one.

now i gotta go finish my homework:(sigh) so i can watch X factor xD:)

                                                                            LYL<3

                                                                             -rujuta:)