4.8.13

#ForeverAlone

i feel like ive been away for so long, i might just have forgotten how to do this. well, i'll give it a shot anyway.
firstly, the reason ive been away for so long is that ive had exams :( the Indian education system is such that we give 100 mark exams at least twice or thrice a year :( and then in the tenth grade, everyone across india gives the same board exams which will eventually help us get into college.
why on EARTH am i talking about exams? mine get over tomorrow so YAYYY :D
so my last blog post was about the break up..... a lots happened since then.
lets see ummm
poem guy is not history. not at all. is is ever possible to get over someone? i mean, completely? somehow i dont think so. that feeling never goes away, no matter how much you want it to, everytime i see him its like this flow of weirdly opposite feelings inside me. like i like him, but i really really dont want to, and at the same time i really really want him to like me. its awful :( i think this should be something we should be allowed to take as an extra subject in school: getting over a boy 101. i figured this out on this school camp around three weeks ago...
apart from all that crappy-drama-part-of-life lets see.......
i haven't really been able to read much since, duh, exams but i am re-reading the mortal instruments by cassandra clare which is a great series. in fact, the movie is coming out soon. (and i am super psyched) the series is basically about this girl who discovers this entire other world with demons and demon hunters that exists right alongside ours. definitely a must read if you liked harry potter and percy jackson. (if you haven't read those then just....go hide somewhere and never come out). i had to write an english essay about an important event in thats affected my life and who i am and since my life has been very uneventful and boring for the past fourteen years, i wrote about discovering books. thats literally the best thing thats happened to me so far (maybe excluding meeting my best friend and seeing billie joe-armstrong). books have been a huge part of my life ever since i was like two. i really want a writer someday, but i really dont see that happening, owing to the number of stories ive managed to finish writing (one). my other great writing enterprise is this blog which is almost a complete joke. anyway i wrote the essay about how much books mean to me and how the world would be a much much better place if everyone had read a bunch of books. that said, please tell me the names of any amazing books you think i should read.
im really bored and i really dont know what to say. or rather, i dont know how to say it. my head is kind of mess right now... like my thoughts are all going around in circles and chasing each other and collectively trying to make my head explode. maybe i should make a list.... that normally helps.
a list of things in my head right now, by the girl behind the green letters:

  • i really hope my parents allow me to fly down alone to visit my sister at college. i sort of miss her a lot and i really want to try flying alone and it would be exactly the kind of fun thing i need right now.
  • im sort of annoyed with my parents because they're probably not going to allow me to fly down alone to visit my sister at college and they keep yelling at each other about absolutely idiotic things.
  • i feel like ive lost myself. i just dont know who i am anymore. i dont know what type of music im in love with, i dont if i think taylor swift is sort of stupid or bloody brilliant, i dont know if ive suddenly started liking tv shows more than books, i dont know if ive become a shallow, conceited person because i hang out with some people like that, i dont know if im still a rebellious little potterhead atheist i dont know if ive become a 'stupid girl' i just dont know.
  • and it doesn't help that im feeling judged everywhere i go. so i used to be known for being smart at school, but recently thats begun to change. my friends dont seem to care that much about their grades anymore and i want to have fun with them because they're the only people at school who love me and get me at least a little. now im losing my teachers' trust and respect. its like theres this imaginary obedience/trust line and im suddenly on the wrong side of it. just a few tiny incidents here and there and bam you aren't a 'good' kid anymore. i mean, im not complaining. its just hard to know if fleeting happiness and meaningful friendships are worth more than good grades and a good reputation.
  • obviously my, umm, 'descent to the other side' hasn't gone unnoticed by my parents.' they've always been easy going about grades and studying, but they're coming down hard now. i just hope my exam results this time aren't too bad or itll be bye-bye internet-and-everything-else-that-is-fun and helloo dark-days-spent-in-my-seemingly-slowly-shrinking-room.
  • ive been listening to a lot of different kinds of music. well not really a lot and not really different but blah. im in love with wake me up by avicii and ive linked the name because im so nice :')  i also really love slow down by selena gomez, radioactive by imagine dragons, sunset blvd. by emblem three, drunk by ed sheeran, and this may seem odd considering but stairway to heaven by led zep.
  • i feel like im losing my best friend. she went through a really hard time recently and im worried for her. but she isn't taking my calls or replying to my texts. i love her so much and i just want her to know that im always here.
  • don't judge me, but i started watching Gossip Girl :P
  • i really dont want to go to school :( i just dont fit in. i mean i have a lot of friends and stuff but thats only because i pretend to be someone im not. not that i know who i am.
  • i seem to repel guys.
 meh whatever.
thats about it for now. if you're bored, listen to some of those songs along with thunder by boys like girls and go read roundabout by rhiannon lassiter or anything by judy blume :')
if you read my blog, i sincerely love you to the moon and back.
more next time, hopefully. go break hearts my cupcakes :)
xoxo- TheGirlBehindTheGreenLetters

4.8.13

#ForeverAlone

i feel like ive been away for so long, i might just have forgotten how to do this. well, i'll give it a shot anyway.
firstly, the reason ive been away for so long is that ive had exams :( the Indian education system is such that we give 100 mark exams at least twice or thrice a year :( and then in the tenth grade, everyone across india gives the same board exams which will eventually help us get into college.
why on EARTH am i talking about exams? mine get over tomorrow so YAYYY :D
so my last blog post was about the break up..... a lots happened since then.
lets see ummm
poem guy is not history. not at all. is is ever possible to get over someone? i mean, completely? somehow i dont think so. that feeling never goes away, no matter how much you want it to, everytime i see him its like this flow of weirdly opposite feelings inside me. like i like him, but i really really dont want to, and at the same time i really really want him to like me. its awful :( i think this should be something we should be allowed to take as an extra subject in school: getting over a boy 101. i figured this out on this school camp around three weeks ago...
apart from all that crappy-drama-part-of-life lets see.......
i haven't really been able to read much since, duh, exams but i am re-reading the mortal instruments by cassandra clare which is a great series. in fact, the movie is coming out soon. (and i am super psyched) the series is basically about this girl who discovers this entire other world with demons and demon hunters that exists right alongside ours. definitely a must read if you liked harry potter and percy jackson. (if you haven't read those then just....go hide somewhere and never come out). i had to write an english essay about an important event in thats affected my life and who i am and since my life has been very uneventful and boring for the past fourteen years, i wrote about discovering books. thats literally the best thing thats happened to me so far (maybe excluding meeting my best friend and seeing billie joe-armstrong). books have been a huge part of my life ever since i was like two. i really want a writer someday, but i really dont see that happening, owing to the number of stories ive managed to finish writing (one). my other great writing enterprise is this blog which is almost a complete joke. anyway i wrote the essay about how much books mean to me and how the world would be a much much better place if everyone had read a bunch of books. that said, please tell me the names of any amazing books you think i should read.
im really bored and i really dont know what to say. or rather, i dont know how to say it. my head is kind of mess right now... like my thoughts are all going around in circles and chasing each other and collectively trying to make my head explode. maybe i should make a list.... that normally helps.
a list of things in my head right now, by the girl behind the green letters:

  • i really hope my parents allow me to fly down alone to visit my sister at college. i sort of miss her a lot and i really want to try flying alone and it would be exactly the kind of fun thing i need right now.
  • im sort of annoyed with my parents because they're probably not going to allow me to fly down alone to visit my sister at college and they keep yelling at each other about absolutely idiotic things.
  • i feel like ive lost myself. i just dont know who i am anymore. i dont know what type of music im in love with, i dont if i think taylor swift is sort of stupid or bloody brilliant, i dont know if ive suddenly started liking tv shows more than books, i dont know if ive become a shallow, conceited person because i hang out with some people like that, i dont know if im still a rebellious little potterhead atheist i dont know if ive become a 'stupid girl' i just dont know.
  • and it doesn't help that im feeling judged everywhere i go. so i used to be known for being smart at school, but recently thats begun to change. my friends dont seem to care that much about their grades anymore and i want to have fun with them because they're the only people at school who love me and get me at least a little. now im losing my teachers' trust and respect. its like theres this imaginary obedience/trust line and im suddenly on the wrong side of it. just a few tiny incidents here and there and bam you aren't a 'good' kid anymore. i mean, im not complaining. its just hard to know if fleeting happiness and meaningful friendships are worth more than good grades and a good reputation.
  • obviously my, umm, 'descent to the other side' hasn't gone unnoticed by my parents.' they've always been easy going about grades and studying, but they're coming down hard now. i just hope my exam results this time aren't too bad or itll be bye-bye internet-and-everything-else-that-is-fun and helloo dark-days-spent-in-my-seemingly-slowly-shrinking-room.
  • ive been listening to a lot of different kinds of music. well not really a lot and not really different but blah. im in love with wake me up by avicii and ive linked the name because im so nice :')  i also really love slow down by selena gomez, radioactive by imagine dragons, sunset blvd. by emblem three, drunk by ed sheeran, and this may seem odd considering but stairway to heaven by led zep.
  • i feel like im losing my best friend. she went through a really hard time recently and im worried for her. but she isn't taking my calls or replying to my texts. i love her so much and i just want her to know that im always here.
  • don't judge me, but i started watching Gossip Girl :P
  • i really dont want to go to school :( i just dont fit in. i mean i have a lot of friends and stuff but thats only because i pretend to be someone im not. not that i know who i am.
  • i seem to repel guys.
 meh whatever.
thats about it for now. if you're bored, listen to some of those songs along with thunder by boys like girls and go read roundabout by rhiannon lassiter or anything by judy blume :')
if you read my blog, i sincerely love you to the moon and back.
more next time, hopefully. go break hearts my cupcakes :)
xoxo- TheGirlBehindTheGreenLetters